Sing Over Me

Father in Heaven,
Hear my plee,
Search my heart

So You can see,
That first I would like
Your Will be done

Over all,
my feelings,
my heart,
my love

And if it be
Possible
Lord

Search my heart
My mind
My sould

I was made to be
a mom
a wife

I crave to be
the woman
You designed

I beg you father
with tear filled eyes

Not again
No
Please
Let this one be

If I may
If it is ok
I would ask,
for Your promise
to provide

Provide what is best
Provide what we ask
Seek my heart
and provide my desire

To mother one more,
Here,
Until I am with you

To mother one more
for my son,
for my husband

There is no doubt
my son is a miracle
Can't we prove the world wrong
and show them two

Two wonderful people
created by your hand
That started as a dream
in my heart
in his head

Constantly thinking
Him and I
of being parents
a family

After all Father,
that is what matters in life
Family
Love
Life

I would ask You
Dear God

Beg you

I am

all day I am praying
trusting
I dare say

Learning that trust
does not mean
not afraid

Father dont leave me
with another empty heart

I am trusting you
To hold us together
Trusting You
to show us you power
Loving you,
Knowing You love us back

Crying to you
Knowing you'll comfort back

Father I pray,
That you will heal my womb
For the child within
grows healthy and strong

To lose another
I can not fathom

This is my heart God
Please hear me

You know I trust you
You know I am hoping
My faith is not diminished
My faith is not squandering

But I am weak,
and this cuts deep
I need your peace

To show me,
That it will be ok.

Because the life you started
in me
is not over
the life you started in me
is Yours
 
Your will be done
O my Father in Heaven
In anguish and uncertainty
I look to you
My maker

My Father in Heaven
No matter what
You always do what is best

I will accept this

Give me peace
O God in heaven
Send down your presence
Your Power
Your Glory

For all life is from you
So pray I do
That you sing life over me
The child,
and my family

Subchorionic Hemorrhage

So I went to get an ultrasound this morning. Had a lil bit of spotting this morning, which of course at this point any spotting is too much given my history. There was a sac, I am 5 weeks. No heart beat yet, but we were pretty sure we saw the baby. I still have an ultrasound next thursday. Next to the baby was a subchorionic hemorrhage. Basically if I am understanding right, it is a sac of blood from where the baby implanted. It does put me at a higher risk for miscarriage. But it is common, and should be absorbed into my body within a couple weeks.

Next thursday I should be able to see the baby and the heart beat for sure. They had me do an hcg draw today, and I will go back for another one on friday. So I will know monday for sure if my numbers are going up.

So basically there is a healthy baby. However there is this hemorhhage (sac) that is between the baby and me that needs to be asborbed. Apparently common, and only two outcomes. The hemorhhage goes away, or it detaches the baby from the uterus. So obvioulsy we are praying for and believing that this healthy lil baby will continue to grow strong, and God will take the hemorrhage away. I know that it is not medically possible for it to be completely gone by next thursday so I am at the least expecting it to shrink and at most trusting in God's power and wonder to speak life over me and this baby and tell the hemorrhage to leave. So I guess we will know for sure on next thursday.


Praying, like crazy. Trying not to stress because I know that makes it worse. Trusting God to keep his promise, of knowing our hearts, and doing what is best for us. It is hard, but I know God is in control.

Please keep praying for us, and if anyone has any experience with this please share. Thank you.

O so today, of course my life is worth living for my son and husband, and for this baby in me fighting to live. And I am thankful for good drs and being able to get right in today when I was freaking out.

So far So good

Got my results this morning from the HCG draw. Was like 200 something on thursday, and 700 something on saturday. So more than doubling! and that is good :) Now I am just waiting to safely and patiently get to the ultrasound on the 28th. By then , assuming all goes well (in Jesus name!), we will be able to see a heart beat, and get an idea of where the placenta is attached high or low, James was low, it was nerve wracking, and we should be able to get a solid due date not just nov. I am holding out for Nov 19.
Jared, one of Tim's best friends, who was family to me, passed away in feb 2012. His birthday was nov 19. So it would really mean a lot to us.
Anyways, have a meeting about arbonne this wednesday.Hoping that if Tim seems ok with it, agrees that it is solid, that I can start selling it.
 Saturday is our we've been going out since march 23rd 2007 anniversary lol. I am excited it's been 6 years. I have no idea what we are doing. Hillary and Zach are gonna watch James, so we could go see a movie, or just stay home and relax and eat ice cream in bed, lol who knows!

So, today! I am thankful for the many years my husband and I have been able to grow. He is my best friend, and I do not think I could tell him enough how much I love and respect everything he has done for us. Today, lif is worth living for my family. For our future. For the many more years together I have with Tim and James and our lil bean. I am so thankful for them. So excited. Sometimes I do just wake up excited that God blessed me with such a wonderful best friend and such a fantastic lil boy, such a solid family :) That is worth more than all the money in the world. <3

The waiting game

So I went and got blood drawn today. Hurt. I am really bad about being super tense and then it hurting worse. lol. Anways now I wait until monday to see what the dr says. We did a blood draw thurday and one on saturday (today) to see collectively that my HCG is going up in a healthy manner.

So now it is just waiting and waiting. I'll feel better when I get a phone call saying that the blood work looks fine (but lets be honest, I'll be calling at 830 in the morning leaving a msg like I always do lol.)

Then the ultrasound on the 28th!

Praying praying praying believing and recieving!! We want this baby so badly. James needs someone to play with!

And I had an arbonne party last night. It was really fun. Praying about that too, but I think it is something I can do to help tim out with finances, so I will be hopefully selling it soon too.

anywho! hope everyone has a great weekend! I think I am going to go take a nap. so tired!! lol

Prayer requests.

Ok Thursday update!!

I went to the dr today. According to them I am 4 weeks and 2 days. My ultrasound is going to be on thursday march 28th. I had to get blood work, and then I go saturday to the hospital to do the blood work. They checked my progesterone levels last week and it looked great, they are going to check my hcg levels from the two blood draws this week. Wont get results until monday.
So here's one of my two prayer requests. Please pray God willing that the progesterone is helping and that we will have a healthy baby come nov 18th.
So that's big news :)
My other prayer request unspoken but very important. I'm sure I'll write about it later when God has helped us through.
Anywho, today I am thankful for good doctors. I thought that medical attention was pretty much the same in all 50 states and I recently learned that it is not, and that illinois takes pretty good care of you. My life is always worth living for my husband and my son, and now our baby. This is my fifth time being pregnant! and we are thankful.

I know it's a short one today but it is a lot to digest lol. I hope you all have a great day!!!

lil blood work

I got some blood work on friday done. We were checking my progesterone levels. Dr said they are really good came back as 39. I go to the dr on thursday, so I'll have more to tell about then. :)

I am excited about this week, I have a nice blessed week layed out for me. I got good blood results today. Tomorrow I get to start teaching an art class once a week for a friend of mines children who are home schooled. I have class on wednesday night at church with the lil ones. Wednesday we are going to the zoo, me James Amanda Sami maybe brittany and some others. Thursday drs and friday spa night at my house!

So I am really excited about this week :)  I also had a really good time at church yesterday morning and evening. And God even told someone to tell me it was all going to be ok. I am so thankful for that! I can't wait to get back to church to talk to that person about it, because I just hugged them and left. I cried the whole way  home in the carr lol. It was really nice and what I needed.

Anyways short blog.

I am thankful today for the rain. We need it, and I am glad we are getting it!!What I love about today is, I am at home with James and I have the day to spend with him, and look foward to my evenings with Tim. It doesn't sound like a lot, but it really gives me something to live for. Something special, a family. That is what I love! I have something worth living for every day.

I hope you all have a great day! I'll post again on wednesday, and hopefully have some nice pics from the zoo!!!

Overflowing

It has been a minute since I blogged! Sorry, I'll try to catch up as simply as I can lol.
So I got a new lotion for James. The amonium lactate works well for James, however it says to avoid sunlight. Or long periods of sunlight. With spring right around the corner, hopefully, that is not an option at all! I plan on doing a lot of gardening and hoping to start some container gardening with wooden pallets, which puts us outside a lot. So! I am trying the neopsporin lotion for eczema. So far, his skin is a lot softer, and seems to be retaining moisture better. Which if I am to understand, is what eczema is, the skins inablilty to retain a healthy amount of moisture. I am glad that so far this seems to be working for him. I am excited. I want him to feel well.
Also, I had to go get blood drawn yesterday to check my levels. I have to call in monday to see what they say, and I have a drs appointment on thursday. I'll write more about that later. I would very much appriciate any prayers :)
I got some canvas yesterday! Buy one get one pack of two at Michaels which is an amazing deal! So I am in the process of painting some pictures for my living room. Omg I love it, and James is so ingtrigued by painting.
O, and I am in the process of revamping my blog. I changed the header, and am working on the pages part of it. I also, changed the title. Love: Life Worth Living.
I wanted to do that mostly for myself. I want to have that there to remind me that every time I blog, and every day in general, I have something worth living for, and so do you! I want to start putting at the end of each blog unless is is a poem, what I am thankful for today, and something that I love, and something worth living for. I am sure it sounds kind of silly, but I want to be more thankful . I don't think that I am not a thankful person, but it reallly isn't a bad thiing to point stuff out to myself right?
Also I started watching the world of jenks today on mtv. It is really an inspiring show. I think I am going to like it alot. So much better than all the other junk on there, I stopped watching jersey shore and jwow n snooki. I stopped watching teen mom all together. I realized these shows just frustrate me. Ya they are those shows that are a train wreck and you cant turn away, but also, it is what is wrong with t his country. You have people making shows and making a lot of money to do stupid things and look like fools. Then you have people who work two jobs to feed their family, who are far more inteligent and loving than the people making oodles of money doing shots and having kids they cant provide for. Frustrating. So basically, I've cut down my tv a lot. Not a bad thing. And I really don't feel like I watched tv that much anyways.So I am pretty much down to watching Big Bang Theory, Supernatural, Football, and cartoons lol. I watch more cartoons than anything else. We watched the Bible on the history channel, I think it is only five episodes long though, and the Viking show is kinda neat, but I am not sure if I want to stick with it. Lol! anyways!
So today I am thankful for a lot, but am really thankful James let me sleep in today (Im sure tonight when he wont go to bed itll be a dif story lol) I am also thankful for our home! I don't feel like cleaning at all today. But I am so thankful for all the laundry the dishes and the home that we have.
Something that I love about saturdays, and today in particular is, I get some me time in the morning, and then I get to spend the day with tim and James :) and Something worth living for, well my son. It is amazing today I was thinking how muc hhe really depends on me, but he has no idea how much I depend on him. I love him so much. And o ya I am really thankful that I can pray as much as I want all day whenever I feel like it. That's nice. I can constantly talk to Jesus, and work on my trusting Him.
Hope everyone has a good weekend, and I hope things are going well.
And for anyone reading the blog for progesterone ect. stay tuned, I'll have a lot about that on monday and thursday. Hopefully all good.