Complicated

Ok. So mental health is a serious condition.  It should be taken seriously.  It is sad that in our society it is more of a joke and a made up weakness.

Fake. Doing it for attention.  They should just get over it. You can stop whenever you want. You need to grow up. Immature. Selfish.

Post partume. Bipolar.  Depression.  Post traumatic stress disorder.  Anxiety.  Suicide.  Not fake.

Hurtful things that people who dont suffer mental illness say. I've been guilty too.

I have had panic attacks.  I struggle with anorexia.  It is a struggle Ill have for the reat of my life. Sometimes I can forg it and other times it is a daily fight to eat. It's all in my head.

It is easy to forget how complicated the mind is, and how powerful it is. While it is super easy for me to recover from a panic attack and not have anxiety and depression daily, I do struggle with my self esteem.  I cant just tell myself Im pretry and not fat and accept that. Much like my husband can't just tell his anxiety that there is no reason to worry so stop.

Of course we have faith in God and Jesus and know that He can and will help us through this. We also know that God gave us resources like councelors ect.

As Ive been on the hunt seeing what our insurance covers and finding drs for us, I'm finding soo many places. Places like blah blah wellspring of blah for mental health. There are so many mental health resources and centers near us. And I am angry. I have many dear friends and family members that struggle with bipolar depression and anxiety.  Why are these places not being used more? Im really upset at how not well known the resources are known. How can they be utilized beforehand, before crisis, if no one knows about them.

I want to help in our area, and I think awareness is where it needs to start.

Cant sleep

I love that our windows are open. I really hope we can move to a home where we can set up a fire pit. I tend to like to be in the front yard mkre than the back. So we are looking for houses with nice fwnced back yard and semi private ish front yard. Ill just have to get lots lf shrubs or something lol
Anyway im so excited it is fall. I was blessed and went shopping for my bday with my dad to get new shoes and a sweater.  I love sweaters. Im getting yarn for hilkarys mom so she can make me a ravenclaw scarf and a grey hat. James is getting a gryffindor sp hat lol. I loove fall. I wish it lasted wayyy longer.
It is gorgeous outside and i love the crisp mornings!  We will be going to the zoo with mel soon and the mo gardens with shawna. Tim said he wants to take the boys to the zoo on a weekend again too. Apple picking.  We will do that too and the pumpkin farm!! Ohhh how i love fall. Pumpkin bread and butternut squash. Guys. I really love fall.
Ive been thinking hard abojt it too. I think my next blog ill have points and everything lol, about fall traditions. It is in fact up to tim and I what traditions we want for our family, for our boys.  It is such an awesome feeling knowing we get to start something so precious as family tradition. 
What are some things you love to do?

And dont give up hope.

Life can be pretty down at times. It is overwhelming.  It is hard. It is repetitive.  Many people work to provide for a life , and in return dont get to experience life.
I have a really full plate right now. Life is hectic.  But hope. Always hope.
I really am trying to figure out how and where to start something for mental health in the area I live. My husband suffers anxiety and depression (and ptsd after my hospital experience).  It can be debilitating.  He is amazing and strong. He has no idea. I hope one day he sees himself like I do. I hope one day I can see him like He does.
Hope there is that word again.
We are having issues with James school, so we want to move. Which means selling this house buying a new one. It means a job transfer.  Something we have been praying for for years. But I always trust that God is listening.  His timing is perfect.  My hope is placed in the right one.
Hope. Trust. You cant trust God too much. You cant have too much faith, and you can't tell God there is never hope. There is always hope. Not how we want. Maybe not how we like. But He is always there right? He said He is. So He is. So there is always hope.
I'm embarking on a big journey.  Finishing and publishing my books. That itself is overwhelming.  I have tims support though. Hope. That puffs me up full of hope and drive.
I know that if I strive to do these things, I can. If I don't there will be some good outcome learning experiences something.
Life is not what we make it, but life is full of hope and beauty.  Keep God in the center lf it and watch what He does. Some days I dont get to read my bible. Because I didnt make enough effort.  How amazing is it that I have hope for a better tomorrow than today. I can always hope for myself to do better.  I can try and keep trying.
Hope really is pretty neat.
Please dont stop hoping for your better tomorrow or today. Jesus is hope and with Him all things are possible ♡