Vitamins and Progesterone

This is probably going to be a short blog. Just want to put it out there for the ladies on progesterone.
DO NOT TAKE WITH VITAMINS.
Seriously,
I took a b complex vitamin with my progesterone before bed. Couldnt sleep all night, felt like I had the worst flu (which I honestly had the stomach flu a week before) mixed with some awful morning sickness. So so bad. I usually take my prenatal in the morning, and forgot to take my b vitamin too, so I took it with the progesterone. Again, ladies, please don't do that. You'll be hating yourself for doing it. On a normal day, taking progesterone I am a lil more tired, and a lil queezy here and there.
I am taking progesterone because my levels are low, and we kept having miscarriages because of it. In total four (my sons twin, and the three we had last year) Now that we know why I am taking the progesterone. For anyone out there that keeps having miscarraiges, I know there are so many reasons that could be why you are, checking progesterone is easy. Simple. One blood draw. You get the results the next day. Not expensive. Having had miscarriages, one after the other, after a child and not understanding why, this really explained it all. By the grace of God, it really did explain it all!
Anyways, we are now TTC and I will take a test in twoish weeks to see. I am supposed to stop for cycles and contunie progesterone on a positive ovulation after a cycle. When I get pregnant (and Lord we are praying and recieving that I am) I am to keep taking the progesterone for 12 weeks. I am sure we will take blood while pregnant to see if I need to take it longer ect.
 I have been reading other ladies blogs about progesterone. I have to say it helps, but also freaks me out. So many ladies seem to get extra sick from it. It seems to amplify morning sickness. Of course, ladies if you are reading this, most of you unfortunately know the pain of miscarriage and that being sick a couple of months or even all of them doesnt matter at all. What matters is holding that healthy baby. So I would encourage you to keep you heads up, and I am trying to keep mine up. God has been so merciful, has helped us so much. We are so thankful and so blessed, and still hoping. All to the glory of God. Serious.
And we have decided, after this next baby, James and his lil sibling will more than likely (unless God decides otherwise) be all that we have. I mean we have babies in heaven, but lets be honest, pregancy is hard on a healthy normal pregnant person, you add in the high risk and the hormone issues, it is rough rough rough. Two babies, that is what we are praying for. James and baby sister or brother.

Anyways, sorry this one was pretty much all about progesterone ect. But I know that reading about other ladies and their experiences has helped me so so so much, and I am hoping that this can at least help one other lady. I don't know you, or know what exactly you are going through ma'am how you came across my blog or how many you've read. But I love you! and Jesus loves you, and you will get through this. You will.

On the edge

All day I think,
I ponder,
I pray,

That I may,
Deserve the things You gave,

The son I have,
Whose joy is abounding

The husband I have,
Whose love is always surrounding

The babies in heaven,
That one day I will hold

The child we pray for,
to be soon be in my womb

The home we have,
It is more than a house,
It is the foundation

But as I pray
As I ponder
As I wonder

I can't help but feel
So stuck,

So stuck

Not moving,
Not growing
No matter how hard I try

I feel crushed.

Some days better than others
Some days harder than others.

I'm trying to trust
I'm trying to learn
I'm trying to lean

On this relationship with You.
That God I know is there

But how do I know I am climbing up
Or falling down
Because I feel like
I am not doing either.

To grow into a person
The person You created

To feel like I
I am at least learning to be
Who You made me to be.

I want to be better
I need to better.

I know in my head
To Trust You
To love You

But do I understand what that means?
Is it ok if I do not?

How do I know Lord,
If I am letting You down,
Or lifting You up.

All I want to do,
Is be who I am supposed to

To love so much,
To care,
To shine,
To show Your love.

To be a wonderful mother.
To be a caring wife,
A partner.

I feel like Lord,
I keep asking,
I keep trying,
I keep praying,
But I am not moving?

I know I know I know!
I know!
That you are there.
Always faithful,
Always helping,
Always loving,

So many answered prayers,
So much help all the time,
My life truly does not function
With out You.

I just want you to know I am trying.
Trying so hard.
Please Help me Lord.

To see a new side of You
To find a new side of me
So I can have this relationship with You
That my spirit and heart are crying out for

So I can be who You made me to be.
So I can be who they deserve.

Help me Lord to trust
To Love more,
To move when I need to,
To be still and listen,
To always care,
To always be
Growing in
You.

Growing Old

We had a touch of the stomach flu over the weekend. James started it off on friday morning, followed by a normal saturday and sunday. Sunday night I hugged the toilet,monday morning Tim followed. It was very frustrating so see my son sick and my husband. It was very very frustrating to not be at 100% to clean and cook and care for my family. I really really was angry and hurt. I mean dont get me wrong being sick sucked , especially since I pumpmyself with ridiculous amounts of vitamins, but it broke my heart the most to not be able to be 100% for my boys.
Thankfully we had help. Tim's mom helped me on friday with James, and James spent the night and aunt hillary and uncle zach's on womday night. It helped so so much.
Anyways, not that it was important but it kinda brought me to this. One, I'd much rather be home sick than out of town sick, I would have hated to not go out of town. I would have hated to catch it from being on the plane. I would have hated to not have a couple days of feeling 100% before heading out. And, I am thankful. I am thankful that God's timing is perfect. He for whatever reason knew we needed to be sick. Maybe if even just to build up our immune system before heading out of town and sitting on that plane. And it is nice to know I can have complete confidence in my maker. Mike and Mary are feeling fine, Hillary and Zach we prayed over and will be fine :) It is nice to know we can pray and ask God to keep those around us healthy. :)
Also, even though he wasn't feeling good and was upset about having to take sick days, Tim was able to take sick days. And it was really nice to hear him pray last and to thank God that he had them to take. In the middle of the stomach flu, we were thankful. I am not all trying to brag, I am just really excited. I am excited that we are maturing. I am excited that we really are growing into the people we pray and ask to be. I am excited that well, I guess that we are growing old lol
We watched the curious case of benjamin button last night. I had never seen it, and tim had only seen bits and pieces. What a wonderful movie. So interesting. It was nice, to watch that with Tim. It was nice to talk about it with Tim. In the middle of it, Tim looked at me and said, "Babe you are the only person I want to grow old with" Yes it brought tears to my eyes. Then I proceeded to talk about how he is the only person I want to share a hospital room with when we are old. We talked about how we'd probably only watch cartoons and football. And how Tim knows that I need face to face time because I am a female, but when we are that old I am just going to have to be content with him listening because he probably wont be able to turn his head much lol. It was nice to talk about this. It sounds stupid probably, but it just was refreshing. I love my husband so much, and am so thankful for every day I have with him. I am excited for the many years we have to go on earth and in heaven.
Also, I am excited about gardening. I really need to get ahold of these wooden pallets that I am going to use. I am really glad I am going out to see my papa this weekend. I am definitely going to take notes. I need to know when to start planting things, what and when I start growing things in the house ect. Papa is an expert. I am thankful for my papa. I really miss my mama. It might be really weird and hard going out there and not seeing mama. It is certainly going to be weird talking to papa about gardening and not hearing mama go oo and you should plant these i like those. Weird. But I am so thanful for the time i will be able to spend with my family. I am thankful for a wonderful husband that is so understanding and happy for me to be able to go out and see my family. I am thankful for Shawna!!! helping me get out to see my family. I am so thankful for feeling better today :) And I am excited I have a whole year ahead of me to keep working on being thankful, to keep getting closer to God and to keep working on being a better mommy and a better wife and a better me.
Speaking of, I am really enjoying the Love and Respect DVDs we are doing at church by emerson eggreich. they are awesome.

I love you too.

I feel like I have a lot of info to put in here so! Here goes!
I have been reading other ladies blogs online about progesterone miscarriages ect, so I know I want to continue to put that stuff in my blog. While it may be annoying to some and too much info for others, it may help one. I know that reading what these other ladies have to say has personally helped me. And to me it is worth just to help one other if going through something like this.
So I am on progesterone pills, just stopping today for my cycle. After that I start back up. I am going to ask my dr about the other forms of progesterone aside from the pill. If anyoen knows if it is better to take the other forms than the pill please comment. I am trying to gather info, and from what I am reading the pill does help but the other stuff works better because it is not being digested. Also I can't really work out on progesterone because of something to do with the hormone balance and how hormones from exercise decrease progesterone so it is frustrating and I feel like I am going nuts wanting to lose weight and not being able to and at the same time feeling bloated from it. But o well I guess will so be worth it when I am healthy and pregnant.
AND yesterday two pretty awesome things happened!!! I took James to the potty with me, we are making it a point to take him with us when we potty, and I went pee and he clapped his hands for me and said "yay momma ya momma!!" uhm adorable. And it also shows me he is starting to better understand what a potty is for. He loves to flush the toilet when you are done too to watch the paper go away. AND of course I tell him I love you alot, and usually he doesn't say anything sometimes I get a hug for it. Yesterday I got an "I love you too" and tim heard it. My heart is still super puffed up about it I am so proud of him and it just melted me :) I love my boy so much.
We have also decided on a boy and girls name. I wont post them until I am pregnant and around 4 months, but I am excited Tim and I have agreed and are pleased with the names. Some people really have a hard time agreeing on names, and I am glad Tim and I have been pretty easy on that. It makes me happy. Makes me think about when we were dating and had baby names picked out after three months of dating lol
O and Tim and I just started going to church on sunday nights to go to the Love and Respect seminar thing. We are watching dvds with our church they are by emerson eggerich sp? anyways they are awesome! Tim and I have a good relationship. I don't feel like it is something unstable or questionable, but we don't see how learning to better understand eachother and our relationship as a bad thing. We view a marriage as any other living thing it needs water sun love Jesus food. It needs to grow. I am really enjoying the classes and so is Tim. :)
O and James and I are going out of town on the 22nd. I think I mentioned that, but I am excited to see my family for a weekend and take James on the plane. I am really going to miss Tim and I hate being away from him especially James and me. that is really hard on tim. But I need to go out and I am thankful that I have a husband who is so understanding and supportive.
O and I finished reading 1 2 and 3rd John. I am going to work on Timothy now then Tidus. Yep

Have a nice day everyone :)))

tooth paste eater lol

My lil man is growing so fast! Hillary came over yesterday, and he waved to her and said Hi. It was adorable, especially since he had just been sitting on the potty and was missing his bottoms. I loved it! He also spent the night at his mama and papa lawhons thursday night, and said the word hat while he was there. I missed it, but amd so excited! He has been doing great with stairs, working on his forks and spoons, and he is really working on sounds. More than usually, I mean he jabbers, but I feel like he is on the brink of really taking off with talking. I am so excited! I also found him eating tooth paste yesterday night. It was hilarious. Awful I took it away super fast and told him no, but it was so stinking funny. He was just walking down the hallway with a tube of tooth paste squirting a lil on his finger and eating it. LOL.
I love my bubby sooo so much and he makes me so proud. :)
Also, I started taking progesterone. Still waiting on a cycle, it is a lil like a week late. But I have to wait a week from now to test and if it is neg go to the dr and see whats going on.
AND next week, James and I are going to Colorado to visit my papa and family out there. I am really excited, and can't wait to see papa and everyone. I am not excited but, am anxious? for lack of a better word, to take flowers to mama. I think it will give me some peace to be able to do it.
It will be a nice short weekend trip leave on friday come home sunday :)
And we are doing couples church stuff on sunday nights so we are going to church in the evening instead of the morning, but it should totally be awesome and worth it.
God is really helping me every day, getting me through things and helping me to put him in the middle of everything while trying to seek his face. I am trying i wont be perfect at it, but I can tell it is helping.
And i am totally not doing well losing weight. doesnt seem to matter that ive been cooking healthier and that ive been eating better and drinking more water and working out here and there. doesnt seem to matter at all. very annoying. but hoping after the next baby when that happens, on God's time, it'll just all fall off (the weight)
or at least I can work out and not freak out about it and stay on a schedule with my hormones not so up and down. heres to hoping

have a great weekend everyone~~~

woe

It has been so busy lately it seems!! Superbowl , we have a new thing starting on sunday nights at church so now I don't know how we are gonna do sunday mornings. Probably Tim just go at night, and I will try to hit both services. Yikes. Anyways going out of town in a couple of weeks to see my family in colorado. :) Been babysitting so my weekends seem so hectic!! But it is fine :) been packing Tim's lunch and doing good about making dinner and meal plans and really watching what we eat and what we spend. I am happy about that! Not perfect at it but it's a step in the right direction!!
I have not been running much, it has been cold. On warmer days I have , but it I am not sticking to my sched. So I took James walking, I suppose if I don't get to run, I can at least try to walk later in the day.
Anyways and I started to learn how to crochet, it is hard but I am really excited about it!! I can't wait to make things for James and the new baby when we get that far!!
And o my James!! I feel like he has been taking off in leaps and bounds. He is so smart and wonderful and growing! I hope he really takes off with potty training soon, we are going to go get him a potty book and I might try giving him and m&m ever time he goes for a lil while. Otherwise he is doing so good with stairs! and he used a spoon last night very well! and he is just figuring stuff out every day. Stepping in and out of the tub instead of how he usually goes on his belly, and he has been playing with blocks great! and o when he sees the word team umizoomi on the guide he is so excited because that is his favorite show! He is just getting so big. He is so wonderful and handsome, I am so thankful for him :) He will be a wonderful big brother, and he is an amazing person. My son, I can't even imagine life without him and I can't believe that God allowed me to be his momma.
Ya so not alot to say, lol. Just busy busy busy!!