Sorry I have not wrote in forever. Aside from comp problems, well I've been pretty busy!
Of course James keeps me on my toes, and to be honest it is really uncomfortable sitting and typing lol.
Anyways Today I am 36 weeks pregnant with Titus. Thank Jesus! Everything is going well. He dropped on sunday, and we are praying to just make it to next wednesday or later.
We have to be full term \37wks to be able to have him in the birth center. WE are doing it all natural this time, water birth and everything. No hospitals. No trauma. My body is not unable to birth a child I don't give a crap about a dr schedule of 8 hours then pitocin ect. screw all that hellishness. Never again.
Thankfully all of our praying and asking God for help turned into us finding the birth center. We are really excited about it. I cant wait to post pictures and write about the experience :)
Oh and for those wondering about progesterone. Had it tested again in my third tri to see how it was doing, apparently it dips again in the third tri and causes tjhe water to break early. So far so good, it tested well :) just need it to stay healthy in the first to carry the baby. :) I'll try to write more later. My back hurts from sitting with the comp lol.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Monday, August 5, 2013
Crunchy
(On my phone sorry for typos)
So I am in the process of getting a woven wrap! :) to baby and toddler wear. It is a size 7 wrap woven and green :D
I am so excited. I am also going to make wool dryer balls instead of using dryer sheets to cut back on energy and money. And I am thinming at 3-4 months I will start Titus in oth diapers ro save on money (and it is also good for the environment) we are going to plant a big garden next year too! And I am not cuttong may hair for two years :)
Having Titus natural at a birth center and gonna bf.
I am excited and thankful that I can be a stay at home mom and I am praying these small adjustments help us save money and live a healthier life. Greener life. I mean we might as well since I am home and we need to cut back and save ya know :) I have the time and can put in the effort :)
Also james had his first appointment with early intervention. He did really well. :) she told that next year in our district James can go to preschool (for free) and I don't see why we wouldn't it is half days through the week.
It absolutely makes me want to cry though to think in a year he can start preschool. My baby. Preschool in a year. How fast this coming year will go with Titus here in three months and some change. Wow. :( so fast. But it is a blessing and God is so good. He really has been providing for and taking care of us.
Saturday, July 13, 2013
What Faith Means
(On my phone sorry in advance for typos more than usual lol our computer has been down just got it back from an awesome friend who was able to get the virus off ab save all of our pictures. I have to get some usb to transfer them all which is a lot but just thanking God we didn't lose them)
Anyways it has been a while! And it has been busy and crazy. I finally stopped getting morning noon and night sickness around like 18 weeks. We had a wonderful birthday for james went to the zoo had so much fun just me tim and my mom. Had some friends and famiky who could make it over for cupcakes and presents. We so far had a lovely summer. Trips to the zoo and swimming. Been going to raging rivers when we can and james adores swimming he's good at it.
We had an ultrasound at almost 20 weeks. They informed me of a few things.
First that Titus is large like James big boned big head :) this we expected
They confirmed he is all boy
They told me I will need to be induced (I am not ok with this it made me upset size is not a medical reason for induction God trusts my body his creation and so should we)
They found a soft marker. They found two (bilateral) chorioid plexus cysts sp? They were in his brain by the chorioid plexus. They said this is nornal but can be a sign of downs. They gave me some options for blood work and said I had to get an ultrasound with a specialist. I cried. After taking progesterone just to stay pregnant after a subchorionic hemorrhage. After enough anxiety to kill an elephant, now this. Satans a fucking asshole. I loathe him.
I told everyone what they said that thwy told me not to worry (ha) and asked dor prayers. It took me about two days to really calm down as much as I was going to be able to. Again we were floored. But after going through as much as we have already been through it really was easier to trust God. We were at His mercy, and that is not really a bad place to be.
I started reading my bible more. Praying more. Singing more. Accepting that I literally could do nothing but trust God and know He loves Titus more than us. I came to realize that so many more worse things could be happening. We coukd have found a lot of markers. We could have lost Titus before this point. We could have but we didn't all to Gods glory. glory. It is lime God let some of what satan was throwing at us make it through the barrier just small stuff but scary stuff. It was like I want everyone to know how much of a miracle james is and look at the miracles I am doing in you for Titus. Our faith was unshakable this time. I had lapses here and there mostly hormones I think though. Praying and singing through it we made it to 21 weeks and the ultrasound.
They found nothong but a big beautiful HEALTHY boy. No cysts nothing more than a moving happy baking baby. All to Gods glory. All thanks to Jesus. All so God could one day say to Titus look how much I love you. So God could show others through us his mercy his love his power. Life can be hard it can feel horrible sometimes we feel defeated. But God is never defeated. His plans always happen. His will is always done. And I am thankful my children and their health is in his will :)
So thankful. Thank you Jesus. Thank you.
Monday, May 27, 2013
Hippy Dippy Too Fast!
So I have decided, on a couple things over the weekend with Tim
One, this week needs to just slow slow slow down. Our James will be two on sunday, and his party is Saturday. I am not ready (and neither is the house but it will be lol)
Two, I have decided and Tim said ok lol, that I will not cut my hair for at least two years. I will get color touch ups, and trims when needed like every two or so months. But I want to grow it out. I honestly think I want to grow it longer than two years, but we will see how heave it is at that point. My head my say I have no choice and have to cut it. I have incredibly thick healthy heavy hair.
Three. For James his animals were turtles and frogs. and they fit him well. He honestly looked like a lil turtle sometimes when he was lil. cracks me up. I decided and tim did not object to giraffes and monkeys for Titus. I would like to stick with blues and greens and browns if I can. Their room is blue and for James it is mostly blue and green. I am going to make the crib blanket for Titus. I am excited.
Hm. There was more? I don't remember though lol
But in other news my cousin had her baby Hannah :) I am so excited! just wish I could get out there to visit but don't see that happening for a while.
went to church today it was nice to see Victoria and tisha :) and it was just nice to be there!!!
One, this week needs to just slow slow slow down. Our James will be two on sunday, and his party is Saturday. I am not ready (and neither is the house but it will be lol)
Two, I have decided and Tim said ok lol, that I will not cut my hair for at least two years. I will get color touch ups, and trims when needed like every two or so months. But I want to grow it out. I honestly think I want to grow it longer than two years, but we will see how heave it is at that point. My head my say I have no choice and have to cut it. I have incredibly thick healthy heavy hair.
Three. For James his animals were turtles and frogs. and they fit him well. He honestly looked like a lil turtle sometimes when he was lil. cracks me up. I decided and tim did not object to giraffes and monkeys for Titus. I would like to stick with blues and greens and browns if I can. Their room is blue and for James it is mostly blue and green. I am going to make the crib blanket for Titus. I am excited.
Hm. There was more? I don't remember though lol
But in other news my cousin had her baby Hannah :) I am so excited! just wish I could get out there to visit but don't see that happening for a while.
went to church today it was nice to see Victoria and tisha :) and it was just nice to be there!!!
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Update and LOTS
We had our ultrasound on monday. The sch was gone!! (subchorionic hemorrhage) Thank YOU Jesus! The cysts on my ovarie that wasnt told about because it can be normal and they didnt wanna stress me out about, was also gone! Placenta is attached nicely and secured at a good spot nice and high. PELVIC REST IS OVER. Thank God!
The baby was 12w5d at the ultrasound but was measuring larger than 13 weeks. Has a big head and nice strong bone structure like James, and Tim. SO BIG, cus he is a BOY!!! We were able to tell! I did not know we could tell this early. But I thought back and remembered with James we never did an ultrasound at 12 weeks. The dr used her handheld ultrasound thing she uses to check the heartbeat and you can see a small ultrasound so that is what we did to look at James at 12 weeks. It was such a surprise to me to find out so early but there was no mistaking that stuff between his legs!! I wish we would have known we would be finding that out, because Tim would have come to the ultrasound. But PRAISE Jesus we are so thankful and so excited! We are having another boy!!! We are pretty sure this is going to be our last child, and we are beyond excited that we will be welcoming James as a big brother and Titus to the family this november. We have agreed on the name Titus Isaiah Lawhon. I love love love it! Gonna have me a James and a Titus (and of course our babies in heaven).
Dr said he is big, and once he hits 10 lbs (scary I know but James would have been a 12 lb baby had the twins water not been taking up so much space) anyways once he gets that big then we start talking induction or c section. I really want to have him naturally and since my epi wore off with James, I wont even get one this time. For real, wasn't worth the money at all.
We are so so excited. James is such a wonderful person and I can't wait to have two children in myarms. Two people to watch grow. Two people to love and to watch tim love :D
We have James in a twin bed in his room, and the entertainment center with the tv and books is in there too as well as the crib. So all the toys and clothes (except for what is in the closet) is in the middle bedroom. Which is awesome! They can share a room and have a play room and I am so happyl We wont have to buy that much, I am getting a basinnet this weekend that I found on fb for 15 dollars, they are only used for like 2 months so we don't need a new one then I can donate it. Then I will buy some more bottles, and some clothes, I want to get a blooming bath, the blue one. Those things look awesome. I also want to get a pump. Of course Ill get him a build a bear and a couple books and thing just for him. But we are not starting from scratch. And my grandma linda is giving me a sewing machine so i will buy a fitted sheet to match what ever fabric i decide to use to make the comforter for him. Also I will get a blanket crochet for him like James has, and a security blanket like james bear bear. It sounds like a lot, but seriously isnt! The most expensive thing I need to get is the medula electric pump, ill have to start looking at those I know they arent cheap but worth it. I am very determined that this baby will not be a nicu baby praise Jesus and I will be able to breast feed.
So much to be thakful for! and so excited! Thank you for letting me share our excitement. This is such a blessing and means so much to us. Such a miracle and we thank God all the time for this child and our Jamesy.
For those of you wondering about the progesterone. The dr is weaning me off of it. She said it is safe to stop cold turkey but sometimes ppl bleed when that happens and of course that causes quite a scare and stress. She has me on it every other day, then ever three days then done. I am also on an antibiotic for a uti right now, and i am still on baby apsirin. I think I get to stop the aspirin soon, and they took blood monday to check my vitamins. I should be able to get out in the sun a bit this summer since James is older so I am hoping I wont have to take vitamin d, i probably will have to take iron, and vitamin c to help absorb it.
Also I got my hair done yesterday. I don't think I got my hair done since last september right before hillarys wedding. Wow! It felt so awesome to get it done :)
Anyways, that was a lot and I am gonna go lay down and get my booger butt to sleep :D
Have a wonderful day!!
The baby was 12w5d at the ultrasound but was measuring larger than 13 weeks. Has a big head and nice strong bone structure like James, and Tim. SO BIG, cus he is a BOY!!! We were able to tell! I did not know we could tell this early. But I thought back and remembered with James we never did an ultrasound at 12 weeks. The dr used her handheld ultrasound thing she uses to check the heartbeat and you can see a small ultrasound so that is what we did to look at James at 12 weeks. It was such a surprise to me to find out so early but there was no mistaking that stuff between his legs!! I wish we would have known we would be finding that out, because Tim would have come to the ultrasound. But PRAISE Jesus we are so thankful and so excited! We are having another boy!!! We are pretty sure this is going to be our last child, and we are beyond excited that we will be welcoming James as a big brother and Titus to the family this november. We have agreed on the name Titus Isaiah Lawhon. I love love love it! Gonna have me a James and a Titus (and of course our babies in heaven).
Dr said he is big, and once he hits 10 lbs (scary I know but James would have been a 12 lb baby had the twins water not been taking up so much space) anyways once he gets that big then we start talking induction or c section. I really want to have him naturally and since my epi wore off with James, I wont even get one this time. For real, wasn't worth the money at all.
We are so so excited. James is such a wonderful person and I can't wait to have two children in myarms. Two people to watch grow. Two people to love and to watch tim love :D
We have James in a twin bed in his room, and the entertainment center with the tv and books is in there too as well as the crib. So all the toys and clothes (except for what is in the closet) is in the middle bedroom. Which is awesome! They can share a room and have a play room and I am so happyl We wont have to buy that much, I am getting a basinnet this weekend that I found on fb for 15 dollars, they are only used for like 2 months so we don't need a new one then I can donate it. Then I will buy some more bottles, and some clothes, I want to get a blooming bath, the blue one. Those things look awesome. I also want to get a pump. Of course Ill get him a build a bear and a couple books and thing just for him. But we are not starting from scratch. And my grandma linda is giving me a sewing machine so i will buy a fitted sheet to match what ever fabric i decide to use to make the comforter for him. Also I will get a blanket crochet for him like James has, and a security blanket like james bear bear. It sounds like a lot, but seriously isnt! The most expensive thing I need to get is the medula electric pump, ill have to start looking at those I know they arent cheap but worth it. I am very determined that this baby will not be a nicu baby praise Jesus and I will be able to breast feed.
So much to be thakful for! and so excited! Thank you for letting me share our excitement. This is such a blessing and means so much to us. Such a miracle and we thank God all the time for this child and our Jamesy.
For those of you wondering about the progesterone. The dr is weaning me off of it. She said it is safe to stop cold turkey but sometimes ppl bleed when that happens and of course that causes quite a scare and stress. She has me on it every other day, then ever three days then done. I am also on an antibiotic for a uti right now, and i am still on baby apsirin. I think I get to stop the aspirin soon, and they took blood monday to check my vitamins. I should be able to get out in the sun a bit this summer since James is older so I am hoping I wont have to take vitamin d, i probably will have to take iron, and vitamin c to help absorb it.
Also I got my hair done yesterday. I don't think I got my hair done since last september right before hillarys wedding. Wow! It felt so awesome to get it done :)
Anyways, that was a lot and I am gonna go lay down and get my booger butt to sleep :D
Have a wonderful day!!
Sunday, May 12, 2013
What mother's day means.
Today is mothers day. That one day a year where we thank our mommas for all hey do. That day we remember all the crap they put up with. The day we think about all our fun and loving memories with them. A day we spend time with them. With our moms aunts sisters cousins grandmas and important ladies in our lives. It's a day we say thanks because they deserve it and we don't say it nearly enogh.
This is my I guess third mothers day if yiu count the may when james was almost about to come out :) now he is 2 and I have a 12 wk 4 day baby in my tummy :) I am so excited and thankful. There isn't anything I love more than being a mom (and a wife). It makes my life. It is love ♥
I have to say I cried though. I cry a lot. I'm aure my hormknes are helping me with this lol. This times at year my mama Gregory went to heaven. I miss her every day, we all do. And while I am sad and miss her and cruahed that its been a whole year wiht out her already I have peace. And I am happy. I am happy because I know I will see her again. I am happy because today she is in heaven and can hug our children who are there waiting on us. All four of them. So I know she is busy. She likes to be busy. I am also happy because this is the first full mothers day she has got to spend with her mother in a very long time and her grandma. I am sad that she is not here, but I am so happy for her to be there. I also knk w she woild not want me to be sad. She would not want me to be upset on a day when I should be enjoying the lil ones that make me a mom enjoying my husband who made me a mom and enjoying the wonderful ladies in my life.
Mothers day is about being happy because you are a mom and for all the love still have to give.
I got to spend time with my mom I law yesterday and Ill go see my mom later this week. I still have so much love to give them and others and of course my babies.and I am thanful for that. I know it is ok tk be sad today too, but I won't wallow and I wont linger because I want a hug when I get to heaven not a smack witb a wooden spoon lol. :) I hope you all have a wonderful mothers day. Hug your babies and tell them thank you for making yoh a mlm and a better person and for showing you what love really is.
Friday, May 10, 2013
It's Almost Monday
So, I am we are anxiously waiting on monday! Ultrasound!!! I'll be 13 weeks next wednesday. We are excited to see a healthy moving baby! with a big head, which is to be expected lol. James was huge at this point at his ultrasound. I expect this baby to be also, which we are pretty sure is a boy. Of course we don't care and just want a healthy baby.
So I called the dr office yesterday, totally thought theyd have me wait till monday but called anyways. I have a uti.They got me in within an hour. I wasn't sure if it was pregnant having to pee and pressure, or kidney stones, but it started hurting so I wasn't so sure. I hit 12 weeks on wednesay and since it was starting to hurt like hell, thought I had better get it checked out. I am on antibiotics, and excited to start feeling better soon!
James and I got to listen to the baby's heartbeat. It was strong! not as fast as last time not 162. but 159. Still good, and was so so strong. IT made me feel so so so so SO much better. I am anxious for monday but not worried anymore. Jesus is def taking care of this lil one, or large lil one :D Well I hope everyone has a good weekend! I know I have a long day ahead of me and am already excited for bedtime lol. James is staying with his mama and papa tonight, and tim works so I get the house to myself tonight and I know I'll be lonely but it will also be nice and qiuet! I have a lot of running around to do today, but a nice warm shower and some laying in bed are in my near future :D
So I called the dr office yesterday, totally thought theyd have me wait till monday but called anyways. I have a uti.They got me in within an hour. I wasn't sure if it was pregnant having to pee and pressure, or kidney stones, but it started hurting so I wasn't so sure. I hit 12 weeks on wednesay and since it was starting to hurt like hell, thought I had better get it checked out. I am on antibiotics, and excited to start feeling better soon!
James and I got to listen to the baby's heartbeat. It was strong! not as fast as last time not 162. but 159. Still good, and was so so strong. IT made me feel so so so so SO much better. I am anxious for monday but not worried anymore. Jesus is def taking care of this lil one, or large lil one :D Well I hope everyone has a good weekend! I know I have a long day ahead of me and am already excited for bedtime lol. James is staying with his mama and papa tonight, and tim works so I get the house to myself tonight and I know I'll be lonely but it will also be nice and qiuet! I have a lot of running around to do today, but a nice warm shower and some laying in bed are in my near future :D
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Time
They say that time heals all wounds. That with time it will get better. I imagine, it does. I imagine that trust gets better over time. I know that sometimes, time is not helpful. Sometimes time gives you too much time to creep into thoughts that drag you down.That is a scary time.
I am so thankful. We will be 11 weeks tomrrow. I know God is in control. We finally figured out how we are going to rearrange James room! to fit his bed and the crib (assuming the baby or babies are boys and i think if there are twins, which the dr wants to check just ot be sure, the twins will still fit in a room together with James we wont separate them). Anyway, I am excited, it took time for me to visualize how we would move things around. The armiour sp? will go back in the middle bedroom, and the entertainment center will go on the wall with the window next to the vent. The hamper will go in the middle bedroom with most of the clothes. The crib will stay where it is but we will have to make it a crib again. The twin mattress will go in James room on a frame on the wall across from the crib (which is on the wall with the door). It will fit and we are excited. James has been sleeping in the middle bedroom on the twin by himself, because the kid apparently needs that much room to spread out lol. We are excited.
But to be honest, I can't be ok all the time. I guess it is normal. There are days where I am fine! Especially when I feel the baby move, which I have been for a couple weeks. It's kinda nuts I didnt until 14 weeks with James, and this time it was around 8. Not every day, but I guess when you really know what it feels like you feel it sooner. It's exciting. It gives me hope. It gives me confidence in the life God has given to us that is growing in me. But I have days like today, where I am scared. And i have mixed feelings about it. I get mad that I let fear and anxiety be an issue at all. I pray consntantly and feel ashamed that I even feel this way. I know fear like that doesnt come from God. I also fell like I can't help it. Sometimes I just can't. I need to be reading my Bible more than I am, so I can try to fill my thoughts with God and drive away the fear. But I know I am human. We, have lost four children. Four children are waiting in heaven for us. Four children whose eyes I have never seen, whos breath I have never heard, whose grasp I have never felt. Four children, my husband has never been able to hold up and say, this is mine, this is my child given to me by God, this is our miracle. Sometimes I cry. I cant help it. I just can't.
Sometimes I get so nervous, so anxious and scared, that I can't deal with it. I literally have to sit down and say Jesus I trust you, Jesus I trust you over and over until I calm down. Trust is not a feeling, it is a choice and sometimes you just don't feel it you just have to say it. Sometimes I sit down, like today, and get scared. I get scared about getting to the ultrasound that is slowly creeping closer, seriously so slow, that when we get there we wont see a healthy baby that it wont be ok. But I haven't bleed. I havent cramped too bad. And I am sick a lot, most of the day. Not like horrible sick. I gag a lot. Throw up some, and feel nausea off and on all day mostly in the morning and in the evening. The afternoons are nice, I am just tired. I remeber feeling this way with James. Only difference is I have heart bearn already and I am huge compared to how I was at this point with James. The heart bearn early and the size make me wonder if I am having twins. I honestly was surprised there was only one baby at the first ultrasound. Dr said we could have missed a twin , so we will for sure check in may. guess what gets me the most is the feeling I can't shake. Like the picture was wrong. That there were two no matter what they said. I don't know if it is true, if it is intuition, or if it is just because we had two when I was pregnant the first time. Who knows, guess only time will tell.
Anyways, for whoever is reading this, please pray for me. I know stressing is bad for the baby. I know God is in control. I know I can trust and hope in Him. I know He knows our hearts and has heard our insane amount of prayers. I just have days like today. They aren't as bad as they used to be, but I am still ashamed I have them at all. But I would imagine, given what we've been through, it is normal. Please pray that I will have peace. Pray for the baby. It is so weird, I am worried about the baby, but super sure and convinced the hemorrhage has already been healed and taken care of. I know Jesus already took care of it. Why can't I just be like hey I know in november I will have James and this baby. I have days like that, and then every once in a while days where I dread the ultrasound afraid of what we might not see. So dumb. I hate fear. I hate satan. I hate that sometimes he sure can use time to pull us down. Ugh.
But I know who my God is, and I just have to accept that no matter how I feel, it doesnt matter, because what matters is who He is.
And what He has already done. He has given us answers, helped us get pregnant and stay pregnant. So many don't get that, but in His mercy he gave that. I need to be confident. Being human sucks sometimes. For real.
We will get through this. Maybe slowly. Tim finally cried, really cried about the miscarriages, and it gave me relief. I didnt realize he was holding a lot inside still. And I didn't reallize I was making it sounds like it was just me that went through it. I didnt mean that at all. I am sad I ever made it sound that way when talking to him about it. We lost together, struggled together, and are growing and overcoming together (with God and Jesus of course)
Anyways, I would like to brag on my son for a moment. And Also say God has been so good to us. Helping us here and there with some important personal things :) and of course with giving us James.
James. I want to say, I get nervous that he does not talk much. But he comprehends very well. He holds my hand at the store, walks well with me. He eats with a spoon and a fork. He climbs up the stairs by himself holding the rail or just stepping up now. He goes down the slides by himself at the park. He helps get himself dressed, and helps pick out his clothes. He helps with his shoes. At the store he helps me hold things. He helps me put things away. He is not two yet, but he tries to tuck me in bed. He helps me brush my teeth.He helps me brush my teeth. He isn't two yet. But he is doing this that I haven't seen two year olds do. He is amazing. He climbs in the car by himself, and gets in his seat. He climbs out of his seat and our of the car by himself. He carries his back pack sometimes. He is truly remarkable. We took a break from potty trainging, and are going to try again next week in may. I want to try letting him standing up when he pees. I have talked to some friends who have boys and they said it worked better doing it that way since he is paying attention to day. So we will try. If he is ready he will, if not we will take a break and try again. He is not wetting during naps or bed time, so his blatter is ready. So potty training and talking, and he is trying to talk more. Just ya know it makes me nervous when I hear lil girls jabber and he doesnt. But He is physically amazing me every day.
Yikes, it is late and I want to get to bed. I am so tired and hopefully my stomach will let me sleep soon. Whoever is reading this. Thank you for praying for me and my family. I am thankful for my beautiful family, and the hope of a larger family in november. I am thankful that one day we will be a whole family in heaven. If you asked Tim or I what we dream about, it is heaven. That day in heaven where we meet Jesus and our children and get to be a whole family. Where we get to hug them and love them and sit with Jesus and love him. That day, though maybe far away, will be the best day of our entire life.
I am so thankful. We will be 11 weeks tomrrow. I know God is in control. We finally figured out how we are going to rearrange James room! to fit his bed and the crib (assuming the baby or babies are boys and i think if there are twins, which the dr wants to check just ot be sure, the twins will still fit in a room together with James we wont separate them). Anyway, I am excited, it took time for me to visualize how we would move things around. The armiour sp? will go back in the middle bedroom, and the entertainment center will go on the wall with the window next to the vent. The hamper will go in the middle bedroom with most of the clothes. The crib will stay where it is but we will have to make it a crib again. The twin mattress will go in James room on a frame on the wall across from the crib (which is on the wall with the door). It will fit and we are excited. James has been sleeping in the middle bedroom on the twin by himself, because the kid apparently needs that much room to spread out lol. We are excited.
But to be honest, I can't be ok all the time. I guess it is normal. There are days where I am fine! Especially when I feel the baby move, which I have been for a couple weeks. It's kinda nuts I didnt until 14 weeks with James, and this time it was around 8. Not every day, but I guess when you really know what it feels like you feel it sooner. It's exciting. It gives me hope. It gives me confidence in the life God has given to us that is growing in me. But I have days like today, where I am scared. And i have mixed feelings about it. I get mad that I let fear and anxiety be an issue at all. I pray consntantly and feel ashamed that I even feel this way. I know fear like that doesnt come from God. I also fell like I can't help it. Sometimes I just can't. I need to be reading my Bible more than I am, so I can try to fill my thoughts with God and drive away the fear. But I know I am human. We, have lost four children. Four children are waiting in heaven for us. Four children whose eyes I have never seen, whos breath I have never heard, whose grasp I have never felt. Four children, my husband has never been able to hold up and say, this is mine, this is my child given to me by God, this is our miracle. Sometimes I cry. I cant help it. I just can't.
Sometimes I get so nervous, so anxious and scared, that I can't deal with it. I literally have to sit down and say Jesus I trust you, Jesus I trust you over and over until I calm down. Trust is not a feeling, it is a choice and sometimes you just don't feel it you just have to say it. Sometimes I sit down, like today, and get scared. I get scared about getting to the ultrasound that is slowly creeping closer, seriously so slow, that when we get there we wont see a healthy baby that it wont be ok. But I haven't bleed. I havent cramped too bad. And I am sick a lot, most of the day. Not like horrible sick. I gag a lot. Throw up some, and feel nausea off and on all day mostly in the morning and in the evening. The afternoons are nice, I am just tired. I remeber feeling this way with James. Only difference is I have heart bearn already and I am huge compared to how I was at this point with James. The heart bearn early and the size make me wonder if I am having twins. I honestly was surprised there was only one baby at the first ultrasound. Dr said we could have missed a twin , so we will for sure check in may. guess what gets me the most is the feeling I can't shake. Like the picture was wrong. That there were two no matter what they said. I don't know if it is true, if it is intuition, or if it is just because we had two when I was pregnant the first time. Who knows, guess only time will tell.
Anyways, for whoever is reading this, please pray for me. I know stressing is bad for the baby. I know God is in control. I know I can trust and hope in Him. I know He knows our hearts and has heard our insane amount of prayers. I just have days like today. They aren't as bad as they used to be, but I am still ashamed I have them at all. But I would imagine, given what we've been through, it is normal. Please pray that I will have peace. Pray for the baby. It is so weird, I am worried about the baby, but super sure and convinced the hemorrhage has already been healed and taken care of. I know Jesus already took care of it. Why can't I just be like hey I know in november I will have James and this baby. I have days like that, and then every once in a while days where I dread the ultrasound afraid of what we might not see. So dumb. I hate fear. I hate satan. I hate that sometimes he sure can use time to pull us down. Ugh.
But I know who my God is, and I just have to accept that no matter how I feel, it doesnt matter, because what matters is who He is.
And what He has already done. He has given us answers, helped us get pregnant and stay pregnant. So many don't get that, but in His mercy he gave that. I need to be confident. Being human sucks sometimes. For real.
We will get through this. Maybe slowly. Tim finally cried, really cried about the miscarriages, and it gave me relief. I didnt realize he was holding a lot inside still. And I didn't reallize I was making it sounds like it was just me that went through it. I didnt mean that at all. I am sad I ever made it sound that way when talking to him about it. We lost together, struggled together, and are growing and overcoming together (with God and Jesus of course)
Anyways, I would like to brag on my son for a moment. And Also say God has been so good to us. Helping us here and there with some important personal things :) and of course with giving us James.
James. I want to say, I get nervous that he does not talk much. But he comprehends very well. He holds my hand at the store, walks well with me. He eats with a spoon and a fork. He climbs up the stairs by himself holding the rail or just stepping up now. He goes down the slides by himself at the park. He helps get himself dressed, and helps pick out his clothes. He helps with his shoes. At the store he helps me hold things. He helps me put things away. He is not two yet, but he tries to tuck me in bed. He helps me brush my teeth.He helps me brush my teeth. He isn't two yet. But he is doing this that I haven't seen two year olds do. He is amazing. He climbs in the car by himself, and gets in his seat. He climbs out of his seat and our of the car by himself. He carries his back pack sometimes. He is truly remarkable. We took a break from potty trainging, and are going to try again next week in may. I want to try letting him standing up when he pees. I have talked to some friends who have boys and they said it worked better doing it that way since he is paying attention to day. So we will try. If he is ready he will, if not we will take a break and try again. He is not wetting during naps or bed time, so his blatter is ready. So potty training and talking, and he is trying to talk more. Just ya know it makes me nervous when I hear lil girls jabber and he doesnt. But He is physically amazing me every day.
Yikes, it is late and I want to get to bed. I am so tired and hopefully my stomach will let me sleep soon. Whoever is reading this. Thank you for praying for me and my family. I am thankful for my beautiful family, and the hope of a larger family in november. I am thankful that one day we will be a whole family in heaven. If you asked Tim or I what we dream about, it is heaven. That day in heaven where we meet Jesus and our children and get to be a whole family. Where we get to hug them and love them and sit with Jesus and love him. That day, though maybe far away, will be the best day of our entire life.
Friday, April 26, 2013
What future?
I know that, there are many many chemicals out there. I know they are harmful. I know we are hurting the planet that we are leaving to our children. We are hurting the food we are leaving to them. What we are eating now (if not organic) is hurting us.
But the government doesn't care. In america alone the FDA has approved over 1000 chemicals for food and products that most countries around the world do not. We are killing ourselves. And for what? Money. Because the big pharms have bought out the government and the big money companies that run this country.
I have been, and I know I shouldn't, but I have been. Trying to figure out why I have low progesterone. Why me? What causes that? Why am I not able to carry a child on my own? I am a female and can't do what I was made to do on my own. There is no history of this in my family anywhere. Yes miscarriages happen. Four is a lot, and all by 24. That is something that tears me to pieces. Rips me down. Destroys my self worth.
Thankfully God has been so helpful and loving to me. Giving me and Tim James, and giving us this baby we are 10 wks pregnant with.
But anyways, I am not going to get into the bc thing because that could be a whole dif blog. But I am worried about the food. I have been researching. I have been trying to figure out why and what they feed us and how they can do it. What I have come to realize is, that it is not just the money, but that we let them. WE LET THEM. and that really needs to change.
They do these tests on animals, (which is awful) and they found that using roundup as a pesticide on our food causes cancer, causes diseases and illnesses (that feed us right to the pharm.) and it causes infertility. IT CAUSES INFERTILITY AND CANCER and the FDA says it is ok for us to eat. It is on our food, and in our water. But hey, it puts money in their pockets. And we are sitting by and letting them do it.
I know not everyone will care. Some people will be fine with don't ask don't tell. Some people will still continue to eat bad things and just be like well I am gonna die one day anyways. Some people, like most, can't afford to buy all organic. It is expensive. They don't make it affordable for us, because they don't want us to be healthy.
Is this their form of population control?
I know we need to be worried about more than just the roundup, but it would be better to attack one thing after the other than to try to go after Monsanto and the FDA all together. Divide and conquer. Because truth is Monsanto and the pharms run the banks and everything else. They run America. Which is sad. At what point did Americans hand over our health for sickness? Why is it that we are serving our government, instead of them serving us?
Anyways you get the idea. I started a petition. It's the only thing I could think that I can personally do. Hopefully it will get somewhere. But I'll need help. Please sign and pass it on. Thank yoU!
http://signon.org/sign/stop-roundup-now
But the government doesn't care. In america alone the FDA has approved over 1000 chemicals for food and products that most countries around the world do not. We are killing ourselves. And for what? Money. Because the big pharms have bought out the government and the big money companies that run this country.
I have been, and I know I shouldn't, but I have been. Trying to figure out why I have low progesterone. Why me? What causes that? Why am I not able to carry a child on my own? I am a female and can't do what I was made to do on my own. There is no history of this in my family anywhere. Yes miscarriages happen. Four is a lot, and all by 24. That is something that tears me to pieces. Rips me down. Destroys my self worth.
Thankfully God has been so helpful and loving to me. Giving me and Tim James, and giving us this baby we are 10 wks pregnant with.
But anyways, I am not going to get into the bc thing because that could be a whole dif blog. But I am worried about the food. I have been researching. I have been trying to figure out why and what they feed us and how they can do it. What I have come to realize is, that it is not just the money, but that we let them. WE LET THEM. and that really needs to change.
They do these tests on animals, (which is awful) and they found that using roundup as a pesticide on our food causes cancer, causes diseases and illnesses (that feed us right to the pharm.) and it causes infertility. IT CAUSES INFERTILITY AND CANCER and the FDA says it is ok for us to eat. It is on our food, and in our water. But hey, it puts money in their pockets. And we are sitting by and letting them do it.
I know not everyone will care. Some people will be fine with don't ask don't tell. Some people will still continue to eat bad things and just be like well I am gonna die one day anyways. Some people, like most, can't afford to buy all organic. It is expensive. They don't make it affordable for us, because they don't want us to be healthy.
Is this their form of population control?
I know we need to be worried about more than just the roundup, but it would be better to attack one thing after the other than to try to go after Monsanto and the FDA all together. Divide and conquer. Because truth is Monsanto and the pharms run the banks and everything else. They run America. Which is sad. At what point did Americans hand over our health for sickness? Why is it that we are serving our government, instead of them serving us?
Anyways you get the idea. I started a petition. It's the only thing I could think that I can personally do. Hopefully it will get somewhere. But I'll need help. Please sign and pass it on. Thank yoU!
http://signon.org/sign/stop-roundup-now
Monday, April 1, 2013
Update
So I got ahold of the dr today. I had an ultrasound at 5 weeks, and an ultrasound at 6 weeks. I has each ultrasound done on a different machine. The one at 5 weeks was older ( which i didnt think it was that old because that is the one we used every time for James) but they did get a dif one, which is the one we used at 6 weeks. Anyways, because we used the older one and not the newer both times, the first ultrasound it was not totally clear the size of the hemorrhage. The dr looked at the two dif ultrasound and can't actually give us numbers, but the dr did say it shrunk a lot. Enough that she feels that I don't need to come back in until my 12 week ultrasound on may 13th.
So! this is good and still I am anxious. I am on pelvic rest until then. Frustrating but the babies health is the most important thing! I am excited for my next ultrasound but wish it wasn't so far away. But I know once it is here, I'll be like no go back because James will almost be 2!!!
We will find out end of June or beg of July the baby's gender.
Please keep praying for us!! :) I have been gagging like crazy and been making friends with the toilet, but that is good. I am lil nervous because I don't have much of an appetite and have pretty much been living on popcorn prenatals and fruits and veggies when I can. Trying to drink a lot of water, but even that makes me sick sometimes. I remeber this part with James, and I don't rember being as nervous about not wanting to eat, but given all we have been through I figured that I would be more nervous about stuff. Anyways for those of you that are praying for us and this baby thank you! We love the prayers and know they are helping!!! I am praying that I won't have much to say other than waiting on an ultrasound until may :) at least about being pregnant. I am sure I will have lots to say about James, because he is holding his blatter during naps and night time so we are about to get real wiht the big boy undies around here lol
Hope everyone has a good day!!!
So! this is good and still I am anxious. I am on pelvic rest until then. Frustrating but the babies health is the most important thing! I am excited for my next ultrasound but wish it wasn't so far away. But I know once it is here, I'll be like no go back because James will almost be 2!!!
We will find out end of June or beg of July the baby's gender.
Please keep praying for us!! :) I have been gagging like crazy and been making friends with the toilet, but that is good. I am lil nervous because I don't have much of an appetite and have pretty much been living on popcorn prenatals and fruits and veggies when I can. Trying to drink a lot of water, but even that makes me sick sometimes. I remeber this part with James, and I don't rember being as nervous about not wanting to eat, but given all we have been through I figured that I would be more nervous about stuff. Anyways for those of you that are praying for us and this baby thank you! We love the prayers and know they are helping!!! I am praying that I won't have much to say other than waiting on an ultrasound until may :) at least about being pregnant. I am sure I will have lots to say about James, because he is holding his blatter during naps and night time so we are about to get real wiht the big boy undies around here lol
Hope everyone has a good day!!!
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Temper Temper
I know it is normal to hit temper tantrums during and around two, i've heard it lasts well past two. Especially with boys. I am married, so of course I know this. Men don't get rid of tempers, they have them forever. Men don't stop throwing tempers tantrums, they just not as frequent as with a toddler.
So here I am thinking about this. We already see Tims temper in James. Tim since I have met him, has dealt so well with his temper and has really started getting things under control. Of course no one is perfect and he has his moments, but he has in the last 6 years certainly changed and matured in this area.
It bothers me though, as a mom and a wife, how can I help? I know James will learn from example and that is why it is so so SO important for Tim to show him how to deal with anger in a healthy way.
But then we are at this area of two where when James is made, you tell him no, and he doesn't like that or understand why, he hits. He throws. He hits us with his hands, or throws something at us.
I have done some reading on it and online I get anything from adhd and autistic to he doe not know how to express his feelings and wants mom and dads help that is why he hits mom and dad.
Not sure what to do, spanking does nothing. Smack on the hand nothing. Smack on the face only if he hits on the face, nothing. He is tough. Very tough. Not that we beat him, and I am not going to lie, I cry a lot after I spank him. If i have spanked him during the day I cry at nightwhen we are in bed. It really hurts me to spank him. But I don't want a brat either. Telling a lil boy and sitting him in time out does nothing, nothing at all.
So I suppose I am going to do what I should have been doing a while a ago, I'll pray about it. Every day. I will pray for Tim to lead by example, for God to give him strength and wisdom. I will pray for James, that he will see how and learn how to deal with his frustration on a healthy way. I am really going to have to get on this.
And something I have been seeing here and there is, when they start hitting, don't spank them. Sit them next to you tell them that you hurt them get upset and sad, and then talk to them and tell them it is ok to be angry and upset but not to hurt. I suppose I will try that.
I am sure everyone goes through rough times here and there parenting, and everyone has to figure out different things that work for them and their family. I hope we figure this out soon for James. I want to do what is best for him, I want to be the best mom I can possibly be, he deserves that.
I am raising a man, a person, who at the moment is my baby, but he will grow to be a man. I want to be proud of him, I want him to be better than me or Tim or anyone we know. I want to see God in him, and to see strength and kindness in him. And that will all fall on me and Tim. We have to raise him to be the person we know he can be and who God made him to be. That's a lot of pressure.
Also, I have decided on Easter, we will do what we did today. I have put a lot of thought into it. We will a) not make easter similar to christmas. You don't need clothes and an insane amount of toys with your candy. You don't need a lot of candy. Chocolate bunny and two or three other things. Why? Because we celebrate resurrection day not easter. Ya we call it easter, but we don't celebrate the Easter that a good portion of the world does, we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus with others that believe as us. Easter bunny and eggs have nothing to do with that. And while I don't want him made fun of at school for not getting a lot, I don't want easter to be about what he gets. Which brings me to our second agreement on the matter, baskets and eggs will be something you get after church. Jesus comes first. And while I know we pray and read our Bibles at home, and on a daily basis try to show James Jesus needs to be consistantly a part of your life and first. I mean we aren't perfect in this, but again we have to show him. Anyways, my point was, we want him to understand why we celebrate on that day, and want that to be what we do first. We are also going to do this on Christmas. We will read the Christmas story out of the Bible in the morning when we all wake up, and then we will pray as a family and tell Jesus happy birthday (and point out it is really in July lol) anyways then we will do presents.
Something I have put a lot of thought into. Something that has really weighed on my heart. Something that bothers me. The world is backwards when it comes to important things. It will fall on us to instill in James the important things in life. We will have to raise him to make it in this worl. We will have to pray over him every day, and do our best to show him how to be a good person so that when he gets out in the world, he is not changed by it, but changes it.
Today i am thankful for my Jesus. Who is alive, and is coming back for me. Something worth living for, I'd love to see the day when Jesus comes back. I'd love to be standing with Tim James and baby (that is a girl or a boy but we aren't sure which yet lol) and see Jesus come back. What a glorious fearful and wonderful thing that will be. I look foward to it.
So here I am thinking about this. We already see Tims temper in James. Tim since I have met him, has dealt so well with his temper and has really started getting things under control. Of course no one is perfect and he has his moments, but he has in the last 6 years certainly changed and matured in this area.
It bothers me though, as a mom and a wife, how can I help? I know James will learn from example and that is why it is so so SO important for Tim to show him how to deal with anger in a healthy way.
But then we are at this area of two where when James is made, you tell him no, and he doesn't like that or understand why, he hits. He throws. He hits us with his hands, or throws something at us.
I have done some reading on it and online I get anything from adhd and autistic to he doe not know how to express his feelings and wants mom and dads help that is why he hits mom and dad.
Not sure what to do, spanking does nothing. Smack on the hand nothing. Smack on the face only if he hits on the face, nothing. He is tough. Very tough. Not that we beat him, and I am not going to lie, I cry a lot after I spank him. If i have spanked him during the day I cry at nightwhen we are in bed. It really hurts me to spank him. But I don't want a brat either. Telling a lil boy and sitting him in time out does nothing, nothing at all.
So I suppose I am going to do what I should have been doing a while a ago, I'll pray about it. Every day. I will pray for Tim to lead by example, for God to give him strength and wisdom. I will pray for James, that he will see how and learn how to deal with his frustration on a healthy way. I am really going to have to get on this.
And something I have been seeing here and there is, when they start hitting, don't spank them. Sit them next to you tell them that you hurt them get upset and sad, and then talk to them and tell them it is ok to be angry and upset but not to hurt. I suppose I will try that.
I am sure everyone goes through rough times here and there parenting, and everyone has to figure out different things that work for them and their family. I hope we figure this out soon for James. I want to do what is best for him, I want to be the best mom I can possibly be, he deserves that.
I am raising a man, a person, who at the moment is my baby, but he will grow to be a man. I want to be proud of him, I want him to be better than me or Tim or anyone we know. I want to see God in him, and to see strength and kindness in him. And that will all fall on me and Tim. We have to raise him to be the person we know he can be and who God made him to be. That's a lot of pressure.
Also, I have decided on Easter, we will do what we did today. I have put a lot of thought into it. We will a) not make easter similar to christmas. You don't need clothes and an insane amount of toys with your candy. You don't need a lot of candy. Chocolate bunny and two or three other things. Why? Because we celebrate resurrection day not easter. Ya we call it easter, but we don't celebrate the Easter that a good portion of the world does, we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus with others that believe as us. Easter bunny and eggs have nothing to do with that. And while I don't want him made fun of at school for not getting a lot, I don't want easter to be about what he gets. Which brings me to our second agreement on the matter, baskets and eggs will be something you get after church. Jesus comes first. And while I know we pray and read our Bibles at home, and on a daily basis try to show James Jesus needs to be consistantly a part of your life and first. I mean we aren't perfect in this, but again we have to show him. Anyways, my point was, we want him to understand why we celebrate on that day, and want that to be what we do first. We are also going to do this on Christmas. We will read the Christmas story out of the Bible in the morning when we all wake up, and then we will pray as a family and tell Jesus happy birthday (and point out it is really in July lol) anyways then we will do presents.
Something I have put a lot of thought into. Something that has really weighed on my heart. Something that bothers me. The world is backwards when it comes to important things. It will fall on us to instill in James the important things in life. We will have to raise him to make it in this worl. We will have to pray over him every day, and do our best to show him how to be a good person so that when he gets out in the world, he is not changed by it, but changes it.
Today i am thankful for my Jesus. Who is alive, and is coming back for me. Something worth living for, I'd love to see the day when Jesus comes back. I'd love to be standing with Tim James and baby (that is a girl or a boy but we aren't sure which yet lol) and see Jesus come back. What a glorious fearful and wonderful thing that will be. I look foward to it.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Progesterone working Prayers working
I had an ultrasound today. The baby looked strong and healthy! Thank Jesus. The hemorrhage is still there, but is smaller. I have to wait on the dr to look over the pictures and give us measurments on shrinkage ect. The baby's heart beat was 162 and James was 164. Most people say a high heartbeat means girl, but in my case it means boy, if you can even go by that and I don't think that you can. lol.
Anyways due date is nov 20th. We are and, I swear I will get a pedicure if I make it this long, hoping for the 19th. Jared's birthday was on the 19th. It would be very special to us. Of course, november in general would be nice. This also means of course that wherever we are going for thanksgiving you can count us out for a)traveling more than 45 mins from home, and b) me cooking anything besides possibly a chocolate pie. And that is iffy, I might wait till christmas. I think we were expected to go out to st joe for thanksgiving by I am in no way at all taking that car ride. No way! I can't imagine doing that with a toddler and a baby while I am still recovering. Maybe they will be awesome and come out here? If not! kfc for thanksgiving it might be lol.
ANyways, today I also have to say was a bitter sweet day. I had an important ultrasound, I was very excited. The ultrasound tech well frankly was not nice. I am sad because I have never had a bad experience at my obgyn. I understand everyone has bad days, and I honestly think she was tired and ready to go home. I felt rushed, and like I didn't get the questions I had answered. I felt like she just didn't care. I was also very mad at her. I brought James obviously he is with me all the time and in the middle of the day it's not like tim could watch him. She told me to make sure for my next ultrasound I had a sitter because he was a distraction. LADY what the F you work at the baby drs! O man, it took everything I had in me not to blow up on this lady. For real. I am excited about the next ultrasound though and think it is actually my dr not a tech. It isn't until June 20th so I in no way want it to rush up on me. Because James will be 2 at that point. I want to cherish every day I have with him just me and him and when tim is home all of us. Beautiful family time together, memories I will have forever, and time well invested in bringing up an stable independant lil guy. Who is amazing. His own shy lil person :)
O and just cus it was amazing I have to say. Yesterday I was super sick with morning sickness but for most of the day, and James took care of me. Brought me cars and water, and fed me water with a straw out of my cup. What a big heart my lil man has. Compassionate and beautiful is his soul.
O and he got a hair cut today and didn't cry! I was so so so proud of him :) He is getting so big.
Today I am thankful that God is faithful. Taking care of us and providing for us, and taking care of the baby in my womb answering our hearts deepest needs. I have something to live for every day, with such a wonderful son and husband. And now the lil heartbeat that lives in me for the next few months :)
Hope you all are having a good day, and for the ladies out there taking progesterone it helps! If you have low progesterone and multiple mc it does help. It is helping me I haven't made it this far in a pregnancy since my son :) Hang in there.
Anyways due date is nov 20th. We are and, I swear I will get a pedicure if I make it this long, hoping for the 19th. Jared's birthday was on the 19th. It would be very special to us. Of course, november in general would be nice. This also means of course that wherever we are going for thanksgiving you can count us out for a)traveling more than 45 mins from home, and b) me cooking anything besides possibly a chocolate pie. And that is iffy, I might wait till christmas. I think we were expected to go out to st joe for thanksgiving by I am in no way at all taking that car ride. No way! I can't imagine doing that with a toddler and a baby while I am still recovering. Maybe they will be awesome and come out here? If not! kfc for thanksgiving it might be lol.
ANyways, today I also have to say was a bitter sweet day. I had an important ultrasound, I was very excited. The ultrasound tech well frankly was not nice. I am sad because I have never had a bad experience at my obgyn. I understand everyone has bad days, and I honestly think she was tired and ready to go home. I felt rushed, and like I didn't get the questions I had answered. I felt like she just didn't care. I was also very mad at her. I brought James obviously he is with me all the time and in the middle of the day it's not like tim could watch him. She told me to make sure for my next ultrasound I had a sitter because he was a distraction. LADY what the F you work at the baby drs! O man, it took everything I had in me not to blow up on this lady. For real. I am excited about the next ultrasound though and think it is actually my dr not a tech. It isn't until June 20th so I in no way want it to rush up on me. Because James will be 2 at that point. I want to cherish every day I have with him just me and him and when tim is home all of us. Beautiful family time together, memories I will have forever, and time well invested in bringing up an stable independant lil guy. Who is amazing. His own shy lil person :)
O and just cus it was amazing I have to say. Yesterday I was super sick with morning sickness but for most of the day, and James took care of me. Brought me cars and water, and fed me water with a straw out of my cup. What a big heart my lil man has. Compassionate and beautiful is his soul.
O and he got a hair cut today and didn't cry! I was so so so proud of him :) He is getting so big.
Today I am thankful that God is faithful. Taking care of us and providing for us, and taking care of the baby in my womb answering our hearts deepest needs. I have something to live for every day, with such a wonderful son and husband. And now the lil heartbeat that lives in me for the next few months :)
Hope you all are having a good day, and for the ladies out there taking progesterone it helps! If you have low progesterone and multiple mc it does help. It is helping me I haven't made it this far in a pregnancy since my son :) Hang in there.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
O.K
So, I really really need to jump on the budget and plan for a month meal plan deal. I need to come up with the reciepes to get us through the month content, and healthy. I need well rounded meals for James as well as for the growing baby in my belly. I need to feed technically four people on as lil momey as possible but healthy. I also need to seriously get a printer I do not have one, but I really need to do these meal plans. Tim will totally be on board with me, as he is with me doing arbonne and anything else I want to do. He is amazing. Truly.
Anyways any advice and help would be great, please comment. And when I get it together and get it working, I'll tell you how and so on. :) Hoping I can do this well, being as I am a stay at home mom I really feel like I should. Also, I would love to help someone else.
Anyways any advice and help would be great, please comment. And when I get it together and get it working, I'll tell you how and so on. :) Hoping I can do this well, being as I am a stay at home mom I really feel like I should. Also, I would love to help someone else.
It has arrived
So, I finally started getting some real inerrupting my day morning sickness! This of course is uncomfortable, but welcomed. It is my body telling me the baby is healthy, and I am fine with that! It totally knocked me on my butt this morning, so I'll be sleeping with a water bottle and crackers next to me to be better prepared and hopefully not as sick sick tomorrow. I had a horrible head ache light and sound were making me dizzy! and a super upset tummy left me in the restroom for a while. But again, uncomfortable, but welcomed. I am thankful. I am so thankful God is blessing us with another healthy child.
I got blood results back
last wednesday was 4246 hcg and friday was 5964. Not doubling, but high and going up. At a point in the pregnancy usually around when you can see a heartbeat, your hcg doesnt double anymore and blood draws for hcg don't really go as far as an ultrasound. So I was really happy with these numbers! And I really felt like Jesus was winking at me. I know it is silly, but 46 and 64 are my favorite numbers aside from 4. So the fact that and serisouly the odds are nuts, that I got both of those numbers in my blood results was awesome. It was like, to me, and really thats what matters, that Jesus was like hey you like these numbers I am gonna throw them in there just to see you smile and make you feel better. For real :)
O and Tim and I have been watching the Bible on the history channel. Not on sundays, too many commercials so we watch it on mondays after it has been recorded. Jesus was in this one, and I came to a couple conclusions. My hormones make me cry about everything lol. But on a serious note, I cried and teared up every time Jesus talked. I just got overwhelmed and excited that one day these wont be stories others tell us, but one day Jesus can tell me about it. One day I'll actually hear his voice, and that thought alone brings me to my knees. Also, watching it and seeing Jesus go through so much, did bring Tim and I to our knees with tears and prayers, and it was really nice. Sweet. I love my Jesus.
And something totally different. I never thought of it this way. I always thought the people were just well dumb for not accepting Jesus for who He is, but after seeing it in the light of they needed a king right then like David. They need someone to free them from the Romans, they needed liberated, and Jesus was talking about heaven and peace, not earth and fighting, that is why many were probably angry with him. I never thought of it that way. and I was dissappointed in myself for thinking so little of those who did not agree with Jesus being peaceful. I can't imagine what years of persecution do to a people.
Anyways,
Today I am thankful that even though I am not feeling well, I am hopeful that things are going well with this pregnancy, with this person I am growing :) I am also excited to keep living my life to be a better me for my son for my husband for this child, and for those around me :) I am excited to see where we are ten years from now, seeing how far Tim and I have come in 6 years :)
I got blood results back
last wednesday was 4246 hcg and friday was 5964. Not doubling, but high and going up. At a point in the pregnancy usually around when you can see a heartbeat, your hcg doesnt double anymore and blood draws for hcg don't really go as far as an ultrasound. So I was really happy with these numbers! And I really felt like Jesus was winking at me. I know it is silly, but 46 and 64 are my favorite numbers aside from 4. So the fact that and serisouly the odds are nuts, that I got both of those numbers in my blood results was awesome. It was like, to me, and really thats what matters, that Jesus was like hey you like these numbers I am gonna throw them in there just to see you smile and make you feel better. For real :)
O and Tim and I have been watching the Bible on the history channel. Not on sundays, too many commercials so we watch it on mondays after it has been recorded. Jesus was in this one, and I came to a couple conclusions. My hormones make me cry about everything lol. But on a serious note, I cried and teared up every time Jesus talked. I just got overwhelmed and excited that one day these wont be stories others tell us, but one day Jesus can tell me about it. One day I'll actually hear his voice, and that thought alone brings me to my knees. Also, watching it and seeing Jesus go through so much, did bring Tim and I to our knees with tears and prayers, and it was really nice. Sweet. I love my Jesus.
And something totally different. I never thought of it this way. I always thought the people were just well dumb for not accepting Jesus for who He is, but after seeing it in the light of they needed a king right then like David. They need someone to free them from the Romans, they needed liberated, and Jesus was talking about heaven and peace, not earth and fighting, that is why many were probably angry with him. I never thought of it that way. and I was dissappointed in myself for thinking so little of those who did not agree with Jesus being peaceful. I can't imagine what years of persecution do to a people.
Anyways,
Today I am thankful that even though I am not feeling well, I am hopeful that things are going well with this pregnancy, with this person I am growing :) I am also excited to keep living my life to be a better me for my son for my husband for this child, and for those around me :) I am excited to see where we are ten years from now, seeing how far Tim and I have come in 6 years :)
Thursday, March 21, 2013
The Word of Life
I have been thinking. Going through all of this, these struggles to have another child. The trust I am learning to replace the fear. Understanding that fear and being afraid are two different things. I can rebuke fear the spirit, and tell Jesus I trust you but I am still scared, please give me peace.
All of this going through my head, and I am realizing that, David really is my favorite person from the Bible aside from Jesus. His heart, he wore on his sleeve. Like me. He was open and honest, and was who he was to the core weakness and all. From his openess I feel like he obtained a special bond with God, not just seeking his face but his heart.
I like to write, I love love love to write poems and songs ect. And I never realized until now, that most of the time I write them are when I am in so much anguish within my heart, or over joyed within my hear. Psalms.
I think I write Psalms. Of course not Psalms to add to the Bible, there won't be adding the Bible. But I was thinking, since Jesus is alive, and He speaks and sings over us, and since His words are alive and always relevant, then it is possible to write Psalms. I guess I am saying we can write the songs the words the feelings in our hearts to God, as a personal Psalm. Our words, and his words in our spirits. Maybe David was really on to something. It isn't about them being published, read, printed, copied, bought and sold, but about the heart of the songs. The heart of you that is reaching out to the heart of God.
I can write as many Psalms as I possibly can to God, and I really like that. Not in a disrespectful way to the Bible and the many Psalms of King David and others. but just like, the word is still alive, Jesus is alive, and we His people are alive and so why would the words of our hearts stop? They wouldn't. Just like preachers keep preaching, singers keep singing to God, then so should hearts still pour out ot God in psalms.
That's kind of neat. It may not mean anything to anyone else, but I am glad God pointed this out to me.
All of this going through my head, and I am realizing that, David really is my favorite person from the Bible aside from Jesus. His heart, he wore on his sleeve. Like me. He was open and honest, and was who he was to the core weakness and all. From his openess I feel like he obtained a special bond with God, not just seeking his face but his heart.
I like to write, I love love love to write poems and songs ect. And I never realized until now, that most of the time I write them are when I am in so much anguish within my heart, or over joyed within my hear. Psalms.
I think I write Psalms. Of course not Psalms to add to the Bible, there won't be adding the Bible. But I was thinking, since Jesus is alive, and He speaks and sings over us, and since His words are alive and always relevant, then it is possible to write Psalms. I guess I am saying we can write the songs the words the feelings in our hearts to God, as a personal Psalm. Our words, and his words in our spirits. Maybe David was really on to something. It isn't about them being published, read, printed, copied, bought and sold, but about the heart of the songs. The heart of you that is reaching out to the heart of God.
I can write as many Psalms as I possibly can to God, and I really like that. Not in a disrespectful way to the Bible and the many Psalms of King David and others. but just like, the word is still alive, Jesus is alive, and we His people are alive and so why would the words of our hearts stop? They wouldn't. Just like preachers keep preaching, singers keep singing to God, then so should hearts still pour out ot God in psalms.
That's kind of neat. It may not mean anything to anyone else, but I am glad God pointed this out to me.
Live Long and Prosper ;p
So after pouring my heart out all day and night yesterday. I feel better. I know that God is in control, and I have done all I can. I will keep praying and doing my best to be calm about it. After all the baby is growing and healthy, its just the damn hemorrhage, but God knows that.
I will keep praying morning night and day, and will be asking for peace with healing. I have announced on fb the situation and am hoping that some of my friends and prayer warriors will join me. I know that people don't like to air personal things on fb, but it can be used as a powerful tool for a prayer tree. Something I sure satan doesn't like, which just makes it all the more awesome.
So I will do a blood draw tomorrow, results on monday which I am expecting to be good :) And then on thursday the ultrasound to see the heart beat :) and then by God's mercy hope to see that hemorrhage smaller or gone completely. I'm rooting for gone completely, not just because I want it gone, but also because these things literally take weeks to shrink, and I just want to show that God rules over science and modern medicine. That'd be sweet. All to God's glory.
Today I am thankful for the many prayers coming our way. They are helping me stay strong and as calm as possible. I have something worth living for, that's for sure from tim to james to this growing child inside me. Hope.
I will keep praying morning night and day, and will be asking for peace with healing. I have announced on fb the situation and am hoping that some of my friends and prayer warriors will join me. I know that people don't like to air personal things on fb, but it can be used as a powerful tool for a prayer tree. Something I sure satan doesn't like, which just makes it all the more awesome.
So I will do a blood draw tomorrow, results on monday which I am expecting to be good :) And then on thursday the ultrasound to see the heart beat :) and then by God's mercy hope to see that hemorrhage smaller or gone completely. I'm rooting for gone completely, not just because I want it gone, but also because these things literally take weeks to shrink, and I just want to show that God rules over science and modern medicine. That'd be sweet. All to God's glory.
Today I am thankful for the many prayers coming our way. They are helping me stay strong and as calm as possible. I have something worth living for, that's for sure from tim to james to this growing child inside me. Hope.
Sing Over Me
Father in Heaven,
Hear my plee,
Search my heart
So You can see,
That first I would like
Your Will be done
Over all,
my feelings,
my heart,
my love
And if it be
Possible
Lord
Search my heart
My mind
My sould
I was made to be
a mom
a wife
I crave to be
the woman
You designed
I beg you father
with tear filled eyes
Not again
No
Please
Let this one be
If I may
If it is ok
I would ask,
for Your promise
to provide
Provide what is best
Provide what we ask
Seek my heart
and provide my desire
To mother one more,
Here,
Until I am with you
To mother one more
for my son,
for my husband
There is no doubt
my son is a miracle
Can't we prove the world wrong
and show them two
Two wonderful people
created by your hand
That started as a dream
in my heart
in his head
Constantly thinking
Him and I
of being parents
a family
After all Father,
that is what matters in life
Family
Love
Life
I would ask You
Dear God
Beg you
I am
all day I am praying
trusting
I dare say
Learning that trust
does not mean
not afraid
Father dont leave me
with another empty heart
I am trusting you
To hold us together
Trusting You
to show us you power
Loving you,
Knowing You love us back
Crying to you
Knowing you'll comfort back
Father I pray,
That you will heal my womb
For the child within
grows healthy and strong
To lose another
I can not fathom
This is my heart God
Please hear me
You know I trust you
You know I am hoping
My faith is not diminished
My faith is not squandering
But I am weak,
and this cuts deep
I need your peace
To show me,
That it will be ok.
Because the life you started
in me
is not over
the life you started in me
is Yours
Your will be done
O my Father in Heaven
In anguish and uncertainty
I look to you
My maker
My Father in Heaven
No matter what
You always do what is best
I will accept this
Give me peace
O God in heaven
Send down your presence
Your Power
Your Glory
For all life is from you
So pray I do
That you sing life over me
The child,
and my family
Hear my plee,
Search my heart
So You can see,
That first I would like
Your Will be done
Over all,
my feelings,
my heart,
my love
And if it be
Possible
Lord
Search my heart
My mind
My sould
I was made to be
a mom
a wife
I crave to be
the woman
You designed
I beg you father
with tear filled eyes
Not again
No
Please
Let this one be
If I may
If it is ok
I would ask,
for Your promise
to provide
Provide what is best
Provide what we ask
Seek my heart
and provide my desire
To mother one more,
Here,
Until I am with you
To mother one more
for my son,
for my husband
There is no doubt
my son is a miracle
Can't we prove the world wrong
and show them two
Two wonderful people
created by your hand
That started as a dream
in my heart
in his head
Constantly thinking
Him and I
of being parents
a family
After all Father,
that is what matters in life
Family
Love
Life
I would ask You
Dear God
Beg you
I am
all day I am praying
trusting
I dare say
Learning that trust
does not mean
not afraid
Father dont leave me
with another empty heart
I am trusting you
To hold us together
Trusting You
to show us you power
Loving you,
Knowing You love us back
Crying to you
Knowing you'll comfort back
Father I pray,
That you will heal my womb
For the child within
grows healthy and strong
To lose another
I can not fathom
This is my heart God
Please hear me
You know I trust you
You know I am hoping
My faith is not diminished
My faith is not squandering
But I am weak,
and this cuts deep
I need your peace
To show me,
That it will be ok.
Because the life you started
in me
is not over
the life you started in me
is Yours
Your will be done
O my Father in Heaven
In anguish and uncertainty
I look to you
My maker
My Father in Heaven
No matter what
You always do what is best
I will accept this
Give me peace
O God in heaven
Send down your presence
Your Power
Your Glory
For all life is from you
So pray I do
That you sing life over me
The child,
and my family
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Subchorionic Hemorrhage
So I went to get an ultrasound this morning. Had a lil bit of spotting this morning, which of course at this point any spotting is too much given my history. There was a sac, I am 5 weeks. No heart beat yet, but we were pretty sure we saw the baby. I still have an ultrasound next thursday. Next to the baby was a subchorionic hemorrhage. Basically if I am understanding right, it is a sac of blood from where the baby implanted. It does put me at a higher risk for miscarriage. But it is common, and should be absorbed into my body within a couple weeks.
Next thursday I should be able to see the baby and the heart beat for sure. They had me do an hcg draw today, and I will go back for another one on friday. So I will know monday for sure if my numbers are going up.
So basically there is a healthy baby. However there is this hemorhhage (sac) that is between the baby and me that needs to be asborbed. Apparently common, and only two outcomes. The hemorhhage goes away, or it detaches the baby from the uterus. So obvioulsy we are praying for and believing that this healthy lil baby will continue to grow strong, and God will take the hemorrhage away. I know that it is not medically possible for it to be completely gone by next thursday so I am at the least expecting it to shrink and at most trusting in God's power and wonder to speak life over me and this baby and tell the hemorrhage to leave. So I guess we will know for sure on next thursday.
Praying, like crazy. Trying not to stress because I know that makes it worse. Trusting God to keep his promise, of knowing our hearts, and doing what is best for us. It is hard, but I know God is in control.
Please keep praying for us, and if anyone has any experience with this please share. Thank you.
O so today, of course my life is worth living for my son and husband, and for this baby in me fighting to live. And I am thankful for good drs and being able to get right in today when I was freaking out.
Next thursday I should be able to see the baby and the heart beat for sure. They had me do an hcg draw today, and I will go back for another one on friday. So I will know monday for sure if my numbers are going up.
So basically there is a healthy baby. However there is this hemorhhage (sac) that is between the baby and me that needs to be asborbed. Apparently common, and only two outcomes. The hemorhhage goes away, or it detaches the baby from the uterus. So obvioulsy we are praying for and believing that this healthy lil baby will continue to grow strong, and God will take the hemorrhage away. I know that it is not medically possible for it to be completely gone by next thursday so I am at the least expecting it to shrink and at most trusting in God's power and wonder to speak life over me and this baby and tell the hemorrhage to leave. So I guess we will know for sure on next thursday.
Praying, like crazy. Trying not to stress because I know that makes it worse. Trusting God to keep his promise, of knowing our hearts, and doing what is best for us. It is hard, but I know God is in control.
Please keep praying for us, and if anyone has any experience with this please share. Thank you.
O so today, of course my life is worth living for my son and husband, and for this baby in me fighting to live. And I am thankful for good drs and being able to get right in today when I was freaking out.
Monday, March 18, 2013
So far So good
Got my results this morning from the HCG draw. Was like 200 something on thursday, and 700 something on saturday. So more than doubling! and that is good :) Now I am just waiting to safely and patiently get to the ultrasound on the 28th. By then , assuming all goes well (in Jesus name!), we will be able to see a heart beat, and get an idea of where the placenta is attached high or low, James was low, it was nerve wracking, and we should be able to get a solid due date not just nov. I am holding out for Nov 19.
Jared, one of Tim's best friends, who was family to me, passed away in feb 2012. His birthday was nov 19. So it would really mean a lot to us.
Anyways, have a meeting about arbonne this wednesday.Hoping that if Tim seems ok with it, agrees that it is solid, that I can start selling it.
Saturday is our we've been going out since march 23rd 2007 anniversary lol. I am excited it's been 6 years. I have no idea what we are doing. Hillary and Zach are gonna watch James, so we could go see a movie, or just stay home and relax and eat ice cream in bed, lol who knows!
So, today! I am thankful for the many years my husband and I have been able to grow. He is my best friend, and I do not think I could tell him enough how much I love and respect everything he has done for us. Today, lif is worth living for my family. For our future. For the many more years together I have with Tim and James and our lil bean. I am so thankful for them. So excited. Sometimes I do just wake up excited that God blessed me with such a wonderful best friend and such a fantastic lil boy, such a solid family :) That is worth more than all the money in the world. <3
Jared, one of Tim's best friends, who was family to me, passed away in feb 2012. His birthday was nov 19. So it would really mean a lot to us.
Anyways, have a meeting about arbonne this wednesday.Hoping that if Tim seems ok with it, agrees that it is solid, that I can start selling it.
Saturday is our we've been going out since march 23rd 2007 anniversary lol. I am excited it's been 6 years. I have no idea what we are doing. Hillary and Zach are gonna watch James, so we could go see a movie, or just stay home and relax and eat ice cream in bed, lol who knows!
So, today! I am thankful for the many years my husband and I have been able to grow. He is my best friend, and I do not think I could tell him enough how much I love and respect everything he has done for us. Today, lif is worth living for my family. For our future. For the many more years together I have with Tim and James and our lil bean. I am so thankful for them. So excited. Sometimes I do just wake up excited that God blessed me with such a wonderful best friend and such a fantastic lil boy, such a solid family :) That is worth more than all the money in the world. <3
Saturday, March 16, 2013
The waiting game
So I went and got blood drawn today. Hurt. I am really bad about being super tense and then it hurting worse. lol. Anways now I wait until monday to see what the dr says. We did a blood draw thurday and one on saturday (today) to see collectively that my HCG is going up in a healthy manner.
So now it is just waiting and waiting. I'll feel better when I get a phone call saying that the blood work looks fine (but lets be honest, I'll be calling at 830 in the morning leaving a msg like I always do lol.)
Then the ultrasound on the 28th!
Praying praying praying believing and recieving!! We want this baby so badly. James needs someone to play with!
And I had an arbonne party last night. It was really fun. Praying about that too, but I think it is something I can do to help tim out with finances, so I will be hopefully selling it soon too.
anywho! hope everyone has a great weekend! I think I am going to go take a nap. so tired!! lol
So now it is just waiting and waiting. I'll feel better when I get a phone call saying that the blood work looks fine (but lets be honest, I'll be calling at 830 in the morning leaving a msg like I always do lol.)
Then the ultrasound on the 28th!
Praying praying praying believing and recieving!! We want this baby so badly. James needs someone to play with!
And I had an arbonne party last night. It was really fun. Praying about that too, but I think it is something I can do to help tim out with finances, so I will be hopefully selling it soon too.
anywho! hope everyone has a great weekend! I think I am going to go take a nap. so tired!! lol
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Prayer requests.
Ok Thursday update!!
I went to the dr today. According to them I am 4 weeks and 2 days. My ultrasound is going to be on thursday march 28th. I had to get blood work, and then I go saturday to the hospital to do the blood work. They checked my progesterone levels last week and it looked great, they are going to check my hcg levels from the two blood draws this week. Wont get results until monday.
So here's one of my two prayer requests. Please pray God willing that the progesterone is helping and that we will have a healthy baby come nov 18th.
So that's big news :)
My other prayer request unspoken but very important. I'm sure I'll write about it later when God has helped us through.
Anywho, today I am thankful for good doctors. I thought that medical attention was pretty much the same in all 50 states and I recently learned that it is not, and that illinois takes pretty good care of you. My life is always worth living for my husband and my son, and now our baby. This is my fifth time being pregnant! and we are thankful.
I know it's a short one today but it is a lot to digest lol. I hope you all have a great day!!!
I went to the dr today. According to them I am 4 weeks and 2 days. My ultrasound is going to be on thursday march 28th. I had to get blood work, and then I go saturday to the hospital to do the blood work. They checked my progesterone levels last week and it looked great, they are going to check my hcg levels from the two blood draws this week. Wont get results until monday.
So here's one of my two prayer requests. Please pray God willing that the progesterone is helping and that we will have a healthy baby come nov 18th.
So that's big news :)
My other prayer request unspoken but very important. I'm sure I'll write about it later when God has helped us through.
Anywho, today I am thankful for good doctors. I thought that medical attention was pretty much the same in all 50 states and I recently learned that it is not, and that illinois takes pretty good care of you. My life is always worth living for my husband and my son, and now our baby. This is my fifth time being pregnant! and we are thankful.
I know it's a short one today but it is a lot to digest lol. I hope you all have a great day!!!
Monday, March 11, 2013
lil blood work
I got some blood work on friday done. We were checking my progesterone levels. Dr said they are really good came back as 39. I go to the dr on thursday, so I'll have more to tell about then. :)
I am excited about this week, I have a nice blessed week layed out for me. I got good blood results today. Tomorrow I get to start teaching an art class once a week for a friend of mines children who are home schooled. I have class on wednesday night at church with the lil ones. Wednesday we are going to the zoo, me James Amanda Sami maybe brittany and some others. Thursday drs and friday spa night at my house!
So I am really excited about this week :) I also had a really good time at church yesterday morning and evening. And God even told someone to tell me it was all going to be ok. I am so thankful for that! I can't wait to get back to church to talk to that person about it, because I just hugged them and left. I cried the whole way home in the carr lol. It was really nice and what I needed.
Anyways short blog.
I am thankful today for the rain. We need it, and I am glad we are getting it!!What I love about today is, I am at home with James and I have the day to spend with him, and look foward to my evenings with Tim. It doesn't sound like a lot, but it really gives me something to live for. Something special, a family. That is what I love! I have something worth living for every day.
I hope you all have a great day! I'll post again on wednesday, and hopefully have some nice pics from the zoo!!!
I am excited about this week, I have a nice blessed week layed out for me. I got good blood results today. Tomorrow I get to start teaching an art class once a week for a friend of mines children who are home schooled. I have class on wednesday night at church with the lil ones. Wednesday we are going to the zoo, me James Amanda Sami maybe brittany and some others. Thursday drs and friday spa night at my house!
So I am really excited about this week :) I also had a really good time at church yesterday morning and evening. And God even told someone to tell me it was all going to be ok. I am so thankful for that! I can't wait to get back to church to talk to that person about it, because I just hugged them and left. I cried the whole way home in the carr lol. It was really nice and what I needed.
Anyways short blog.
I am thankful today for the rain. We need it, and I am glad we are getting it!!What I love about today is, I am at home with James and I have the day to spend with him, and look foward to my evenings with Tim. It doesn't sound like a lot, but it really gives me something to live for. Something special, a family. That is what I love! I have something worth living for every day.
I hope you all have a great day! I'll post again on wednesday, and hopefully have some nice pics from the zoo!!!
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Overflowing
It has been a minute since I blogged! Sorry, I'll try to catch up as simply as I can lol.
So I got a new lotion for James. The amonium lactate works well for James, however it says to avoid sunlight. Or long periods of sunlight. With spring right around the corner, hopefully, that is not an option at all! I plan on doing a lot of gardening and hoping to start some container gardening with wooden pallets, which puts us outside a lot. So! I am trying the neopsporin lotion for eczema. So far, his skin is a lot softer, and seems to be retaining moisture better. Which if I am to understand, is what eczema is, the skins inablilty to retain a healthy amount of moisture. I am glad that so far this seems to be working for him. I am excited. I want him to feel well.
Also, I had to go get blood drawn yesterday to check my levels. I have to call in monday to see what they say, and I have a drs appointment on thursday. I'll write more about that later. I would very much appriciate any prayers :)
I got some canvas yesterday! Buy one get one pack of two at Michaels which is an amazing deal! So I am in the process of painting some pictures for my living room. Omg I love it, and James is so ingtrigued by painting.
O, and I am in the process of revamping my blog. I changed the header, and am working on the pages part of it. I also, changed the title. Love: Life Worth Living.
I wanted to do that mostly for myself. I want to have that there to remind me that every time I blog, and every day in general, I have something worth living for, and so do you! I want to start putting at the end of each blog unless is is a poem, what I am thankful for today, and something that I love, and something worth living for. I am sure it sounds kind of silly, but I want to be more thankful . I don't think that I am not a thankful person, but it reallly isn't a bad thiing to point stuff out to myself right?
Also I started watching the world of jenks today on mtv. It is really an inspiring show. I think I am going to like it alot. So much better than all the other junk on there, I stopped watching jersey shore and jwow n snooki. I stopped watching teen mom all together. I realized these shows just frustrate me. Ya they are those shows that are a train wreck and you cant turn away, but also, it is what is wrong with t his country. You have people making shows and making a lot of money to do stupid things and look like fools. Then you have people who work two jobs to feed their family, who are far more inteligent and loving than the people making oodles of money doing shots and having kids they cant provide for. Frustrating. So basically, I've cut down my tv a lot. Not a bad thing. And I really don't feel like I watched tv that much anyways.So I am pretty much down to watching Big Bang Theory, Supernatural, Football, and cartoons lol. I watch more cartoons than anything else. We watched the Bible on the history channel, I think it is only five episodes long though, and the Viking show is kinda neat, but I am not sure if I want to stick with it. Lol! anyways!
So today I am thankful for a lot, but am really thankful James let me sleep in today (Im sure tonight when he wont go to bed itll be a dif story lol) I am also thankful for our home! I don't feel like cleaning at all today. But I am so thankful for all the laundry the dishes and the home that we have.
Something that I love about saturdays, and today in particular is, I get some me time in the morning, and then I get to spend the day with tim and James :) and Something worth living for, well my son. It is amazing today I was thinking how muc hhe really depends on me, but he has no idea how much I depend on him. I love him so much. And o ya I am really thankful that I can pray as much as I want all day whenever I feel like it. That's nice. I can constantly talk to Jesus, and work on my trusting Him.
Hope everyone has a good weekend, and I hope things are going well.
And for anyone reading the blog for progesterone ect. stay tuned, I'll have a lot about that on monday and thursday. Hopefully all good.
So I got a new lotion for James. The amonium lactate works well for James, however it says to avoid sunlight. Or long periods of sunlight. With spring right around the corner, hopefully, that is not an option at all! I plan on doing a lot of gardening and hoping to start some container gardening with wooden pallets, which puts us outside a lot. So! I am trying the neopsporin lotion for eczema. So far, his skin is a lot softer, and seems to be retaining moisture better. Which if I am to understand, is what eczema is, the skins inablilty to retain a healthy amount of moisture. I am glad that so far this seems to be working for him. I am excited. I want him to feel well.
Also, I had to go get blood drawn yesterday to check my levels. I have to call in monday to see what they say, and I have a drs appointment on thursday. I'll write more about that later. I would very much appriciate any prayers :)
I got some canvas yesterday! Buy one get one pack of two at Michaels which is an amazing deal! So I am in the process of painting some pictures for my living room. Omg I love it, and James is so ingtrigued by painting.
O, and I am in the process of revamping my blog. I changed the header, and am working on the pages part of it. I also, changed the title. Love: Life Worth Living.
I wanted to do that mostly for myself. I want to have that there to remind me that every time I blog, and every day in general, I have something worth living for, and so do you! I want to start putting at the end of each blog unless is is a poem, what I am thankful for today, and something that I love, and something worth living for. I am sure it sounds kind of silly, but I want to be more thankful . I don't think that I am not a thankful person, but it reallly isn't a bad thiing to point stuff out to myself right?
Also I started watching the world of jenks today on mtv. It is really an inspiring show. I think I am going to like it alot. So much better than all the other junk on there, I stopped watching jersey shore and jwow n snooki. I stopped watching teen mom all together. I realized these shows just frustrate me. Ya they are those shows that are a train wreck and you cant turn away, but also, it is what is wrong with t his country. You have people making shows and making a lot of money to do stupid things and look like fools. Then you have people who work two jobs to feed their family, who are far more inteligent and loving than the people making oodles of money doing shots and having kids they cant provide for. Frustrating. So basically, I've cut down my tv a lot. Not a bad thing. And I really don't feel like I watched tv that much anyways.So I am pretty much down to watching Big Bang Theory, Supernatural, Football, and cartoons lol. I watch more cartoons than anything else. We watched the Bible on the history channel, I think it is only five episodes long though, and the Viking show is kinda neat, but I am not sure if I want to stick with it. Lol! anyways!
So today I am thankful for a lot, but am really thankful James let me sleep in today (Im sure tonight when he wont go to bed itll be a dif story lol) I am also thankful for our home! I don't feel like cleaning at all today. But I am so thankful for all the laundry the dishes and the home that we have.
Something that I love about saturdays, and today in particular is, I get some me time in the morning, and then I get to spend the day with tim and James :) and Something worth living for, well my son. It is amazing today I was thinking how muc hhe really depends on me, but he has no idea how much I depend on him. I love him so much. And o ya I am really thankful that I can pray as much as I want all day whenever I feel like it. That's nice. I can constantly talk to Jesus, and work on my trusting Him.
Hope everyone has a good weekend, and I hope things are going well.
And for anyone reading the blog for progesterone ect. stay tuned, I'll have a lot about that on monday and thursday. Hopefully all good.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Vitamins and Progesterone
This is probably going to be a short blog. Just want to put it out there for the ladies on progesterone.
DO NOT TAKE WITH VITAMINS.
Seriously,
I took a b complex vitamin with my progesterone before bed. Couldnt sleep all night, felt like I had the worst flu (which I honestly had the stomach flu a week before) mixed with some awful morning sickness. So so bad. I usually take my prenatal in the morning, and forgot to take my b vitamin too, so I took it with the progesterone. Again, ladies, please don't do that. You'll be hating yourself for doing it. On a normal day, taking progesterone I am a lil more tired, and a lil queezy here and there.
I am taking progesterone because my levels are low, and we kept having miscarriages because of it. In total four (my sons twin, and the three we had last year) Now that we know why I am taking the progesterone. For anyone out there that keeps having miscarraiges, I know there are so many reasons that could be why you are, checking progesterone is easy. Simple. One blood draw. You get the results the next day. Not expensive. Having had miscarriages, one after the other, after a child and not understanding why, this really explained it all. By the grace of God, it really did explain it all!
Anyways, we are now TTC and I will take a test in twoish weeks to see. I am supposed to stop for cycles and contunie progesterone on a positive ovulation after a cycle. When I get pregnant (and Lord we are praying and recieving that I am) I am to keep taking the progesterone for 12 weeks. I am sure we will take blood while pregnant to see if I need to take it longer ect.
I have been reading other ladies blogs about progesterone. I have to say it helps, but also freaks me out. So many ladies seem to get extra sick from it. It seems to amplify morning sickness. Of course, ladies if you are reading this, most of you unfortunately know the pain of miscarriage and that being sick a couple of months or even all of them doesnt matter at all. What matters is holding that healthy baby. So I would encourage you to keep you heads up, and I am trying to keep mine up. God has been so merciful, has helped us so much. We are so thankful and so blessed, and still hoping. All to the glory of God. Serious.
And we have decided, after this next baby, James and his lil sibling will more than likely (unless God decides otherwise) be all that we have. I mean we have babies in heaven, but lets be honest, pregancy is hard on a healthy normal pregnant person, you add in the high risk and the hormone issues, it is rough rough rough. Two babies, that is what we are praying for. James and baby sister or brother.
Anyways, sorry this one was pretty much all about progesterone ect. But I know that reading about other ladies and their experiences has helped me so so so much, and I am hoping that this can at least help one other lady. I don't know you, or know what exactly you are going through ma'am how you came across my blog or how many you've read. But I love you! and Jesus loves you, and you will get through this. You will.
DO NOT TAKE WITH VITAMINS.
Seriously,
I took a b complex vitamin with my progesterone before bed. Couldnt sleep all night, felt like I had the worst flu (which I honestly had the stomach flu a week before) mixed with some awful morning sickness. So so bad. I usually take my prenatal in the morning, and forgot to take my b vitamin too, so I took it with the progesterone. Again, ladies, please don't do that. You'll be hating yourself for doing it. On a normal day, taking progesterone I am a lil more tired, and a lil queezy here and there.
I am taking progesterone because my levels are low, and we kept having miscarriages because of it. In total four (my sons twin, and the three we had last year) Now that we know why I am taking the progesterone. For anyone out there that keeps having miscarraiges, I know there are so many reasons that could be why you are, checking progesterone is easy. Simple. One blood draw. You get the results the next day. Not expensive. Having had miscarriages, one after the other, after a child and not understanding why, this really explained it all. By the grace of God, it really did explain it all!
Anyways, we are now TTC and I will take a test in twoish weeks to see. I am supposed to stop for cycles and contunie progesterone on a positive ovulation after a cycle. When I get pregnant (and Lord we are praying and recieving that I am) I am to keep taking the progesterone for 12 weeks. I am sure we will take blood while pregnant to see if I need to take it longer ect.
I have been reading other ladies blogs about progesterone. I have to say it helps, but also freaks me out. So many ladies seem to get extra sick from it. It seems to amplify morning sickness. Of course, ladies if you are reading this, most of you unfortunately know the pain of miscarriage and that being sick a couple of months or even all of them doesnt matter at all. What matters is holding that healthy baby. So I would encourage you to keep you heads up, and I am trying to keep mine up. God has been so merciful, has helped us so much. We are so thankful and so blessed, and still hoping. All to the glory of God. Serious.
And we have decided, after this next baby, James and his lil sibling will more than likely (unless God decides otherwise) be all that we have. I mean we have babies in heaven, but lets be honest, pregancy is hard on a healthy normal pregnant person, you add in the high risk and the hormone issues, it is rough rough rough. Two babies, that is what we are praying for. James and baby sister or brother.
Anyways, sorry this one was pretty much all about progesterone ect. But I know that reading about other ladies and their experiences has helped me so so so much, and I am hoping that this can at least help one other lady. I don't know you, or know what exactly you are going through ma'am how you came across my blog or how many you've read. But I love you! and Jesus loves you, and you will get through this. You will.
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